Loving the Chaos

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Gandhi

How can you slow down?

My kids are finishing school and planning to leave home. How do I manage the empty nest syndrome?

As a parent it’s natural to feel some twinges as your children grow and leave the home to start their own life adventures. This is a great time for you to focus on what your next life adventure will be. Parents often put their own dreams and passions aside as they concentrate on raising their children. Sometimes you completely lose touch with what those dreams are. Now that you have fewer day to day responsibilities with your kids, you will have more time to explore those things that you may have set aside.

What have you always wanted to do but have not had the time or energy to take on?

What part of yourself would you like to get to know better?

What hobby have you stopped doing or would like to start?

What you focus on increases, so first give yourself a high five for a parenting job well done, then shift your attention to creating something meaningful for you in this next phase of your life.

What’s next for you?

Surely joy is the condition of life.

Henry David Thoreau

What brings you joy?

Why always “not yet”?  Do flowers in spring say “not yet”?

Norman Douglas

What are you saying “not yet” to?

More important than learning how to recall things is finding ways to forget things that are cluttering the mind.

Eric Butterworth

What is cluttering your mind?

Think enough and you won’t know anything.

Kenneth Patchen

What are you thinking about too much?

Time Magazine has just released its issue of the 100 most influential people in the world.

They’re divided into various categories like leaders & revolutionaries, builders & titans, artists & entertainers, heroes & icons and scientists & thinkers. If you thumb through the pages some of the people will be familiar to you and some you may not recognize. Some you will identify with as influencers and some not so much.

That’s the thing about people who influence us. It’s a pretty subjective experience. Someone once shared with me that they were surprised that they weren’t a bigger influence on me than they were. Just because we think we can, or should influence another person, doesn’t mean they will feel that way. We can’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

Maybe the key to being an influencer is not worrying so much about who you are impacting but more about what impact you’re creating.

I think we’re often most influenced by people who speak to a deep longing we have. People who have trail blazed a path that calls to us. People who see us for who we are, and can be. They’re different for each of us.

These are the people that help you shift your thinking, believe in what’s possible, and in subtle and not so subtle ways create change.

So let’s high five those people you influence you.

Who’s on your most influential list?

As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

How are you standing in your own way?

Think sideways!

Edward de Bono

How can you be creative today?

If distracting yourself from important tasks has become a long standing habit, sometimes you just need to try substituting a new habit. Remember that managing distractions is all about being in choice – choosing where you want to put your focus in any given moment.

Here are five ways to help keep your focus on the task at hand:

1. Categorize.

According to Stephen Covey, all activities can be sorted into four categories:

• important and urgent (do it right now)
• important but not urgent (can wait but shouldn’t)
• urgent but not important (driven by a time pressure, often someone else’s)
• not important and not urgent (enough said)

Most people get distracted by the last two types of activities. Before you undertake a task, ask yourself which category it falls into.  Are enough of your important things being taken care of, or are you giving too much time to other stuff?

1. Just begin.

Sometimes you look for distractions because you’re finding it difficult to get started doing something.  Inertia can be challenge – its easier to keep doing something else (watch tv) rather than start something new (take the dog for a walk). The way to overcome inertia is to just begin. Shove yourself into a new activity with a commitment to stick with it for only 15 minutes. Most times that’s enough to get you focused.

1. Watch for your favourite distraction.

Everybody has their favourite way to kill time. Identify your preferred method of procrastination and then be on the lookout for it. When you’re drawn to your favourite distraction, ask yourself whether there is something else that needs your attention instead.

1. Be more accountable.

When you are choosing to procrastinate, be more accountable to yourself and others.  Say out loud: “I’m choosing to do X even though Y would serve me better.”

1. Practice meditation

The goal of meditation is not, as some people think, to “empty your mind.” Meditation helps you to quiet your mind so you can more easily hear your true inner voice. It trains you to notice distractions and let them go. That’s a great skill to learn no matter whether you are meditating or trying to focus on a task.