Loving the Chaos

Once every four years the Olympic games capture our attention. Whether you are a sports fan or not, there’s something about dramatic competition, Cinderella stories and the pursuit of excellence that makes us stop and tune in to events of all kinds.Maybe it’s our appreciation of the dedication and focus required by these athletes to compete on the world stage. Maybe it’s those moments of watching the seemingly impossible unfold. Maybe it’s the knowledge that these individuals are fully engaged in being the best they can be.

citius altius fortius

The Olympic motto citius altius fortius - higher faster stronger - sets the standard for participating in the games and serves as a benchmark for performance.

What if you were in training for a gold medal life?

How would your life change if you played full out?

Imagine what would be possible if chose your best performance every day.

Here’s some ways you can apply these Olympic standards to your life:

Set the bar higher

Mediocrity is a cultural comfort zone. Most people are content in doing just enough to get by. They lose sight of what is really important and make choices based on the path of least resistance. Life gets really busy and “just ok” seems good enough.

It’s easy to not require too much of yourself. In the end you get the life you settle for. If you’re not leading your best life, it’s time to raise the bar for yourself. If you’ve been content with average, reach for above average. If life is good, go for great.

Where do you need to require more of yourself?

In what ways do you let important things slide?

Get to your goals faster

Do you find yourself saying, “I’ll get to that someday”?   Procrastination will never get you to the finish line. We’ve all got our favorite excuses about why we can’t tackle a project, fulfill a dream or take things to the next level.

The clock is going to run out on your life. You just don’t happen to know when that might be.  Making the most of your time is golden. Once today is done you can’t get it back so make choices that leave you feeling satisfied at the end of it.

What have you been putting off for way too long?

How do you let excuses get in the way of your success?

Be stronger in facing your fears

Fear is probably the number one reason why people don’t go after the things they want: fear of failure - or success, fear of what other people will think, fear of stepping out of their comfort zones.

At the end of your life you’ll likely regret the things that you choose not to do out of fear rather than most of the things you did end up doing. Once you decide, fear is not such a formidable opponent.

Where do you let fear become an obstacle to your success?

If fear wasn’t a factor, what would you take on?

The Olympics only happen once every four years. In life, the games are always on. You get to decide how you want to participate. Your gold medal life is waiting for you. Simply summon up your inner athlete and go get it.

What Olympic principles do you play by?

There’s an old saying that you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with what I call “hot people” - individuals who inspire, challenge and support you.

It’s easy to set the bar low for yourself. Mediocrity is a cultural norm.

I figure you have two choices in life:

half assed or kick ass

Which life you live depends a lot on who you hang out with. Hot people create a playground of rich conversation and joyful abundance where tackling fears and stretching yourself is encouraged and living your dreams is required.

I’m blessed to have lots of hot people in my life. Here’s what some of them are up to:

There’s Nancy, a woman of a certain age and not your typical athlete, who just participated in the Victoria Dragon Boat races to raise money for cancer.

There’s Virginia who has been known to spontaneously hop on a plane and land on my doorstep who is heading off to France for a couple of weeks of whatever adventure awaits her.

There’s Catherine who will be rappelling down the side of a 27 story building in Edmonton on September 8th to raise money for Easter Seals. Go girl.

There’s Gail who is facing a challenging illness with grace and optimism.

There’s Neela, a single parent of two daughters and closet writer, who delights me with thought provoking conversations about moments of revelation and deeper learning.

Pretty good company.

If you want to learn more about how hot people and ideas can set your life on fire, check out my new book Spontaneous Combustion.

What company do you keep?

Post a comment about your hot people.

Ask Laurel… 

September will soon be here with back to school and lots of sports, clubs and activities. How do I avoid over-committing myself and my family?

There are so many wonderful activities to choose, it’s easy to jam your schedule to overflowing.  You probably want to give your children a rich smorgasbord of experiences. But just like a food buffet, if you don’t pick and choose, you just might end up making yourself sick. Over-extended schedules, even made with the best intentions, often result in fast food in the car, rushed conversations and frazzled nerves.

What’s your tolerance level? 

Each family has its own tolerance level for commitments. Some families are able to take on lots of things and still feel energized. Other families need fewer commitments in order to function smoothly. Think back to last year.

Did you feel overwhelmed?

Did it seem like you were always rushing from one activity to the next without time to breathe?

If the answer is yes, then being  pickier about the things you commit to is probably a good idea.

Consciously create an experience 

Consider the experience you want to create for your family when making choices. Participating in one activity, having more fun and feeling less stress far outweighs multiple commitments. And remember to leave some white space in your schedule to allow for all of those unexpected things that will most definitely pop up.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?

Have you seen the video about Christian the lion and his reunion with friends John Rendall and Ace Berg?

If you haven’t, it’s worth a couple of minutes of your time.

Seems though that there are some people who question whether or not this video is a fake.

My response?

Whatever.

Here’s a video that tugs on people’s hearts. You have to be a big lump of concrete to not be moved in some way when you watch this video. It stirs our deepest desires for connection, for love, for enduring friendship. 

Personally I choose to believe its the real deal.

Just the possibility is delightful. Isn’t it curious that some people would rather choose cynicism and turn away from a heart warming of our collective core.

Whether it’s a fake or not is hardly the point. People are feeling a rush of emotion and having conversations about love and possibility. Works for me.

Now go call someone you love.

One of my longtime friends sent these questions to a group of us who have known each other since childhood. It’s amazing what you might not know about people that you have actually known for a long time. I thought it was also an interesting list of things to share when you are getting to know someone new.

Here are my answers….at least for today:

Three jobs I have had: grocery store cashier, criminal court clerk, special education teacher

Three places I have lived: Brampton, Kingston, Morinville

Three TV shows that I watch: House, Criminal Minds, Grey’s Anatomy

Three places I have been: India, Italy, Costa Rica

Three of my favourite foods: New York Cheesecake, salad nicoise, scallops

Three places I’d like to be right now: right where I am, Tuscany, Machu Picchu

Three things I am looking forward to this year: book launch for Spontaneous Combustion, my 50th birthday, Thanksgiving

I hope you’ll post a comment and share three things about you.

And feel free to add to the list - what other three things would be fun to know?

Having just spent a week in New York City I found that that there is no shortage of life lessons highlighted in the Big Apple.

Here are a few of my favourites.

In the midst of noise there is always a quiet center.

Central Park sits as a quiet refuge in the middle of a bustling city.  There you will find 843 acres of walking paths, lakes, ponds and wide open spaces. A place for peaceful relaxation amid the birds and trees. An abundance of green in a concrete city.

You also have a quiet refuge at your core - a place of calm and restoration that you can access anytime, even when everything is swirling around you. The trick is knowing how to tap into it - perhaps through meditation or music or a quiet walk. Once you’ve figured out how to get to your own private central park, it’ll always be waiting for you.

People are only as invisible as you want them to be.

There are two kinds of people I encountered in NYC - those who looked at you and those who didn’t. Tourists and locals alike could be divided into those two groups. Some people could see the homeless man in the park who was as content with a smile as he was with some loose change. Some people acknowledged the doorman or the cop on the beat or the guy handing out leaflets. And some people didn’t have the time.

It’s easy for us to let other people become invisible. When life is hectic and we are wrapped up in our own to do lists, we tend to put our heads down and barrel through the day. At the end of the day though, we’re all looking for a little human contact. Take the time to see the people around you, smile, open a door, say thank you.

Be grateful for the things you take for granted.

I had the extreme privilege of spending a little time with the firefighters of Ladder Company 3. What a great bunch of guys! Thanks especially to Mike and Chris for taking the time to share their NYC stories. Did you know that a firefighter’s basic equipment weighs 110 pounds? Imagine wearing that in the sweltering summer heat while you battle a fire!

There are lots of things that we simply don’t think about. We just assume that they will be there when we need them. Things like clean water from the tap, lights on when we flip the switch, and brave men and women who risk their lives because its part of the job. Consider what you have been taking for granted and say a little prayer of thanks.

You know what they say about NYC - if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. It seems to me if you can get the life lessons there, they work anywhere.

What’s your favourite life lesson?

Ask Laurel…

What’s a vision board and how can it help me reach my goals?

A vision board is simply a collection of images and words that captures the essence of your goal.  It’s a concrete representation of what you or your life “looks like” when you have achieved your goal. You can make one using photos or pictures from a magazine. An 8 X 11 cardstock page works well although it can be any size you wish. Glue the pictures and words on in a collage format.

A vision board is helpful in two ways.

First it becomes a powerful reminder of the goal you are working toward. Hanging it in a prominent place lets you see your goal every day. It’s easy to lose sight of a goal when life gets hectic and other commitments crowd your schedule. A vision board provides constant reinforcement of where you are heading.

A vision board can also help with your planning process.

You can use it to plan looking forward by asking yourself, “What is the first step I need to take to get to that vision?” Sometimes it’s hard to see the steps you need to take to achieve a goal. Instead of beginning where you are, you can also use your vision board to plan backwards. Since it presents an image of your final result you can look at it and ask yourself, “What was I doing successfully just before achieving my goal?” Then ask yourself, “What was I doing just before that step?” and so on moving back to where you currently are.

Working with a vision board is just one of the many coaching tools I use with my clients to help them create their best lives.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?

 No it’s not an exotic plant or some new addition to your yogurt.

It’s a term that was first used by psychologist Eric Fromm to describe human beings’ attraction to all that is alive and vital and later expanded upon by American biologist Edward Wilson as a subconscious attraction towards nature and other living things.

So what does that mean for you?

People are naturally attracted to the outdoors and nature.  We’re hard wired to connect with other living things. That’s cool except when you consider that for many people the closest they get to nature is a breathtaking photo on their screen saver. Most people work indoors, often without a window and then they return home after a long day to spend time in front of the TV.

How much time do you spend outdoors?

We’re been having the most wonderful weather in Edmonton and coupled with a four day holiday weekend I’ve been puttering long hours in my garden. It is truly calming and re-energizing.

When I think about my most restorative places and experiences, they always involve nature and the outdoors…the sounds of the birds in the morning, walking the Tuscan countryside, sitting on the deck at the beach house watching the world float by or tending to the plants in the garden.

Being in tune with nature helps to be more in tune with yourself.

So here’s my challenge.

Go outside right now. Stop what you are doing and take five minutes to nurture your biophilia. Connect with other living things. Think about how you can bring more of nature back into your life.

Then when you come back inside post a comment about your outdoor adventure and we can all share in the natural delight.

My beverages are taking to me again.

A while ago I had written an article about the wisdom on the side of a Starbucks coffee cup.

Today I tried a new brand of green tea called Yogi Tea. When I opened the pouch with the tea bag, it had a little message:

Bliss cannot be disturbed by gain or loss.

That’s another way of saying one of my favourite mantras:

Happiness does not depend on circumstances.

I come across so many people who think that their degree of happiness on any given day depends on what is going on around them. Not a chance.

Happiness is a state of being - a philosophical way to be in the world.

It comes from a deep connection to what matters most to you.

It comes from an ongoing spirit of gratitude no matter what natural chaos is coming your way.

It comes from blissful living - being passionate, curious, engaged every day.

When you begin to learn the strategies for shifting into a perspective of joy and happiness, life is a wonderful adventure.

You find wisdom all around you - even in your tea cup.

Where do you find your happiness?

Is it just me or have we all been time warped back to junior high school?

I love journalist Misty Harris because she often writes about the more curious aspects of our culture. Her latest article is about a new online community open only to “beautiful people.”  Apparently they have a “strict ban on ugliness.”

On the website there is a disclaimer that you need a good photo because your appearance will determine whether existing members will vote you in. I wonder who voted in the first group of people?  

Back to junior high 

Doesn’t this sound a whole lot like junior high school when people were sorted by a random few into the “in crowd.” You either made the cut or you didn’t - usually based on some highly subjective and most definitely superficial basis. For most of us we outgrew this by the time we left high school. We realized that there is a whole lot more to people than hairstyles, labels, flat abs and high cheekbones.

This beautiful people website describes itself as being for “people who stand out from the majority because of their attractive appearance and personal qualities.” Since the initial sorting of who is in and who is out is based entirely on what quite likely is an airbrushed digitally enhanced photo, I’m guessing we know at least a bit about the personal qualities of the people who subscribe. I’m curious about who actually wants to be part of this group.

Beauty in the eye of the beholder 

The thing about beauty is it’s rather subjective. Who I think is hot - or not - might completely clash with someone else’s version of who is attractive.  Not wanting to anger millions of Tom Cruise fans but for me he’s too much of a pretty boy. Same for Matthew McConaughey. I more of a Johnny Depp girl myself.  Donald Trump once declared that he didn’t find Angelina Jolie attractive. Millions would disagree.

I’ve known some absolutely gorgeous guys that were quite frankly toads and some guys that most likely wouldn’t have made the cut on this website who were absolute princes. In the end what makes someone truly attractive at a deep level goes far past physical appearance.

If you start a club, you get to set the rules about who is let into the clubhouse. I think what bugs me about this website is that it pokes at our deepest fears of inadequacy:

“Am I enough?” 

Apparently nine out of ten of us are not beautiful enough for this group.

Maybe I’ll start my own club. Maybe I’ll call it “Enough already!” Leave a comment if you want the secret handshake.