Loving the Chaos

Ask Laurel…

I hear all the time “don’t sweat the small stuff.” How can I begin to do that?

We all get distracted by little annoyances, wanting to get it right or our particular pet peeves. When we let them become the focus of our days, we tend to feel irritated and overwhelmed.  The key to not sweating the small stuff is being clear about the big stuff. What matters most to you? In the big scheme of things, are mismatched socks, Cheerios for dinner or how the dishwasher is loaded really all that important?

When you are feeling overwhelmed or annoyed, one simple technique to try is to stop and ask yourself, “Will this really matter one year from today?” If the answer is no, then take a deep breath and let it go.  If the answer is yes, then take a deep breath and re-focus with that in mind.

Another way to sweat less of the small stuff is to have less of it on your plate. Get back to basics. Are you someone who tends to say yes to too many commitments? Do you have difficulty saying no because you feel guilty or selfish? Learning some simple tricks to setting boundaries can go a long way in having less small stuff to deal with.

Here’s the most important reason to let the little things go.

Richard Carlson, the author of the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series of books, died unexpectedly at the age of 45. You can be sure he was very glad that his short life was not cluttered up by small stuff.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?

Unplugged used to mean listening to Eric Clapton playing an acoustic guitar without the benefit of an amp. Now it applies to a new movement called secular sabbaths - a day devoted to unplugging yourself from any form of technology.Recently New York Times journalist Mark Bittman chronicled his attempt at connecting to himself rather than his computer.  Although skeptical at first, he actually found some benefits in disconnecting for 24 hours.

I remember thinking that the debit card idea would never catch on.

Okay I’m seriously dating myself but twenty-five years ago, mainstream technology only showed up in sci fi movies. Now it is literally impossible to walk down the street without seeing people with something plugged into their ears or fingers frantically tapping out a message on a miniscule keyboard.

Last month the deputy minister of the Canadian department of Citizenship & Immigration sent a memo to employees requesting them to implement a Blackberry blackout between 7 pm and 7 am and on weekends and holidays.

I wonder how that’s going.

Most people I know get a little twitchy at the thought of not being available and in touch at all hours of the day and night. They are afraid of what they might miss or that some how they will be seriously out of the loop.

Here’s a thought:

What might you be missing if you don’t unplug for a day?

How out of the loop are you with yourself when you don’t take time to have a little silence?

Before you know it we’ll all have little microchips in our heads that let us stay plugged in 24/7. So go ahead and unplug. The idea of taking a secular sabbath - completely disconnecting from cell phones, TV, Ipods, computers and anything else with a cord - is worth a try.

How disconnected are you from yourself?

Ask Laurel…

I’m not a kid anymore but I feel like I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  How do I start to figure it out?

You’re not alone.  Lots of people come to a point in their lives when they have a sense of dissatisfaction about the work they do.  Sometimes it’s because they’ve never really loved their job and now they have less tolerance for it.  Sometimes they have just outgrown it and it’s no longer a good fit for their strengths and interests.  And sometimes people reach a point when they begin looking for more meaning or fulfillment in their lives.

While this may create a sense of confusion or restlessness, think of it as an opportunity to explore possibilities.  Reflection is the place to begin.  Consider what you would do if time, money and experience didn’t limit you. 

Think back to when you were younger.  What did you want to be then?  What about that was appealing to you?  Make a list of what you want more of and what you want less of.  

Reflection helps to build clarity.  It might be that you want to embark on a new career path.  It might be that volunteer work would fill your need.  Perhaps a different perspective about the work you currently do would make a difference.   Spend some time reflecting and from there you can begin to consider what your next steps might be.

What life coaching question would you like to

ask Laurel?

I’ve been traveling a lot lately and have seen my share of airports and planes.  The inevitable wait time provides endless opportunities for reflection and observation.  It seems to me there are some lessons to be learned on the airplane that make darn good sense for the rest of your life.

Too much baggage is not good. 

You can usually tell the people who don’t travel too often.  They’re likely the ones whose carry-on bags will never fit into those sizing devices no matter how much they shove and cram.  Or they’re found kneeling at the check-in counter scrambling to try to share the contents of their suitcases with their traveling companions so they meet the baggage weight restrictions. 

Too much baggage is never a good thing when you are traveling.  It’s an even worse idea as you travel through life.  We all have a tendency to hold on to stuff long past when it serves us.  Just like packing too much for a trip, people pack away physical and emotional things until they are way over their limit.  What thoughts, hurts, perspectives, relationships, and clutter are you dragging around with you?  Deciding to travel light just makes the whole trip - in life or to the beach - so much easier.

Put on your oxygen mask first.

If you travel much at all, you likely tune out when the flight attendant begins the safety demonstration thinking, “I’ve heard it before….yeah, yeah, seatbelt, nearest exit, oxygen mask.”  I’ve always wondered when those little masks drop from the overhead compartment, how many people will actually follow the directions and put on theirs first before assisting others?

If how well people practice self-care is any indication, not too many.  Most people are quick to take care of everyone else’s needs before they attend to their own.  Do you fill your day up with other people’s commitments and priorities and leave no time for your own?  Do you put your self-care - relaxation, exercise, nutrition - last on the list?  There’s a reason why you put your oxygen mask on first.  It’s a good lesson to keep in mind - take care of you so you can take care of others.

Keep your seatbelt fastened in case of turbulence.

Not to long ago there was an incident where a plane unexpectedly dropped several thousand feet and of course any one not wearing their seatbelt had a rather unpleasant encounter with the ceiling of the plane.  Even though it’s suggested that you keep your seatbelt loosely fastened, many people wait for the seatbelt sign to go off and then unbuckle.  When unexpected turbulence hits, they’re left scrambling to buckle themselves in.

Keeping your seatbelt on is one way to stay grounded in the plane.  If it does get a little bumpy, you’re securely buckled into your seat.  Knowing what keeps you grounded in life is a great way to ride through the rockier times. It might be your spiritual faith, or certain rituals and routines, or conversation with special people. Do you know what keeps you grounded?  Do you practice that regularly or do you wait for tough times?  We never know when uncertain times will hit in life.  Always being connected to what keeps you grounded makes it easier to weather the turbulence no matter how or when it shows up.

What life lessons have you learned from the airplane?