Loving the Chaos

Well it’s finally happened.

Life coaching has made it into the mainstream. How do I know? I was in my local bookstore today and came across Life Coaching for Dummies.

Now I’ve never really been a big fan of that series of books. Not that they don’t have some great basic information on a wide variety of topics. It’s just the name that turns me off.

What I know for certain is that life coaching is not for dummies. Far from it. Life coaching is for people who have made a decision that they want something to change in their lives and they’re willing to put in the effort to make it happen. They’ve figured out that life is one very short ride and they want to make the most of it.

My clients are often in search of one or more of these things:

• They are looking for ways to balance work and family without going insane.
• No matter what age they are, they’re not sure what they want to be when they grow up.
• They want to make a difference in the world and feel like their lives count for something.
• Lots of times they just want to learn how to say no.
• They’re feeling stuck and they want to get unstuck and moving forward.
• They are certainly tired of making the same old excuses.

Nothing dumb about any of those desires.

Life Coaching for Dummies suggests that you can become your own life coach. Not a bad idea…and during the past several years as a life coach who’s helped hundreds of people create change here’s what I’ve learned:

If people are able to make changes on their own, they go ahead and do it.

Most of the time though, people need a little help…an objective sounding board, a brainstorming partner, someone who will hold them accountable to have what it is that they want. I like to think of it as life coaching for really smart cookies.

Are you a smart cookie?

If you are, contact me and let’s get started creating want you want.

Retreats are a great way to take a vacation from schedules and commitments and to participate in activities that allow you to re-connect with the best parts of yourself. Taking the time for a personal retreat allows you the opportunity to re-energize, reflect and relax.  A retreat is different from a holiday. It’s a series of semi-structured activities that are designed for you to connect with yourself outside of your typical routines.

Do it yourself

Sometimes one of the biggest obstacles to retreating can be the cost of attending an organized event. No problem! You can design your own “do it yourself” retreat. With the summer weather upon us, now is the perfect time. Your personal retreat can be any length; if this is the first time you are planning a personal retreat, a single day is a great way to start.

Here are five ways to help you plan a low cost retreat:

1.  Commit.

The first step in planning any retreat, regardless of cost, is making a commitment to doing it. There are lots of excuses that can get in the way of you taking some personal time. You first have to give yourself permission to be “all about me” for a day. That might require you to create a perspective that supports your self nurturing, for example:

• When I care for myself I am better able to care for others.
• Personal growth is a cornerstone of my life journey.
• I encourage others’ independence when I take time for myself.

The bottom line is when you nurture yourself, you have a richer contribution to give to the world.  It’s a win-win for everyone. 

2.  Arrange.

Make arrangements to create a free day for yourself.

• Take a day off work and plan your retreat around school hours.

• Trade child care with a friend - she probably could use a retreat too!
• If taking a day off work is not an option, schedule your retreat for a Saturday or Sunday.
• Trade time with your partner. He or she would probably like to have a day to him/herself whether it’s for retreating or something else.
• Don’t think you have to take care of all the details. Nothing bad will happen if the kids eat cereal for dinner.

3.  Choose.

Choose where you would like to have your retreat. It might be in your own home if it’s possible to not have the distractions of other people or commitments. Turn off your cell phone and computer. Don’t answer the door. Leave the laundry and dishes to another day - or tidy up the space the night before.

You might consider locations outside your home such as a park or natural area. Many communities have retreat facilities that are connected to churches. Often you can rent a room for a private retreat for a day or weekend at a nominal cost even if you are not affiliated with the church. Many yoga studios also host one day retreats that are inexpensive.

4.  Plan.

Research some reflection activities using the internet, browsing a bookstore or the library. Choose a couple that appeal to you. Think of other activities that re-energize you - yoga, walking, meditation, art. Then write a schedule of activities that you want to include in your day. You’ll feel that there is a structure and purpose to your retreat. And allow yourself flexibility in adjusting the schedule as the day unfolds.

As you are feeding your soul, you also have to feed your body. Think about the food you want to eat. Consider lighter meals. Food preparation can be done ahead or as a part of your retreat activities.

5. Save.

Start a “retreat fund” and put some money away each week. Ten dollars per week into a jar will amount to $520 at the end of a year. This will give you some cash to attend retreat opportunities that might pop up. Sometimes when you see a great retreat advertised you don’t have the funds to attend. Planning ahead for a retreat in the future - even if you don’t know what it is yet - gives you lots of flexibility to respond when something appeals to you.

What “do it yourself” retreat ideas do you have?

Ask Laurel…

Spring seems to be the perfect time for a fresh start. How can I spring clean my life?

There is something wonderful about spring that puts us in the mood to spruce things up. Maybe it’s the longer days or the warmer temperatures or things growing in the garden. Spring is traditionally a great time to clean house in more ways than one.

Taking care of clutter

Most of us hold on to things far longer than they serve us. Do you have a collection of useful junk that you are hoarding? Take some time to declutter physically, spiritually and emotionally. Sort through the stuff that is piling up around you and donate it to a charity, have a garage sale or toss it out. If you have lots of clutter, simply begin with one drawer or closet.

Next think about de-cluttering your relationships. Sometimes you outgrow a relationship and its time to move on. Sometimes you find yourself surrounded by negative people. It’s okay to shift away from some relationships so that you can move on to others. You’ll have more time and energy for the people that matter most to you.

Your spiritual life needs a little extra attention every now and then too. Now is a great time to reconnect with, or deepen your connection with, your heart and soul. Commune with nature, meditate, worship on a consistent basis.

Refesh your routines

When we spring clean we are shaking off the dust and grime from the winter. You can use that same idea to refresh your routines. What’s become stale in your life? How can you infuse some new energy? What do you need to pay more attention to? Find a different fitness activity, try a new recipe, give up TV, or take up a hobby. You’ll be amazed at what a fresh start can do for you.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?

Like most kids, it took me a while to figure out that my mom was one smart cookie. Inevitably I went through many years thinking I knew way more than my mother would ever possibly know. And of course as time passed I began to realize that I actually knew a fraction of what I thought I did.

Valuable lessons

My mom passed away in 1998. By that time I had realized that she had taught me a lot of valuable lessons throughout her life. Lessons like one of her favourite sayings, “What goes around comes around” which reflected a strong belief in the interconnectedness of the world. Or that the garden teaches you everything you need to know about life - about patience and nurturing, tenacity and growth, living and dying, and the beauty in everything.

Sit back and enjoy the ride

But one of the best lessons my mom taught me was that the shortest route is not always the best. “Don’t be in such a hurry to get where you’re going. Sit back and enjoy the ride.” I can still hear my mother saying this to my sister and me as we headed off to visit my grandmother in a neighbouring town. As a teenager, it was incomprehensible to me at the time that anyone would turn what could be a quick jaunt into a ninety minute tour through the countryside.

It’s taken many years for me to understand what my mom was trying to teach me. I’d always assumed that her decision to take the back roads was prompted by her dislike for driving on a multi-lane highway. What I know now is that it had more to do with a slower pace and room for conversation, time to see the rolling countryside, passing through quaint villages, past farms that likely no longer exist, having a moment to take in the spendour of the turning leaves, a chance to catch one’s breath in an otherwise hectic day.

Spiritual beings on a human journey

What my mom taught is that we are often in such a rush to be where we have to be, to get where we are going, we forget that it is the journey that makes up our lives. In all things that we rush toward, whether they be destinations or goals, we sacrifice the opportunity to see the wonders along the way or the chance for a different path that may lead perhaps somewhere entirely unexpected.  

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said that we are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. What a delightful thought! When we allow our spirit to guide us we become more mindful of our human journey and all that this amazing ride has in store for us.

What life lessons has your mom taught you?

Margaret Mead once said that we should never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens could change the world.

That’s how Sorrentino’s Compassion House came to be. Since 2002, if you are a woman who is undergoing breast cancer diagnosis, treatment or follow-up, you have a wonderful alternative to staying at a hotel if you live outside of the greater Edmonton area.

A home away from home

For only $25 a night, guests can stay in a warm, cozy, supportive environment which includes private bedrooms with an ensuite bathroom, television, phone, desk, reclining chair, and two single beds. Each suite accommodates one guest and a companion (which must be 18 years or older). There is also access to a large kitchen, two separate laundry facilities, gym, library, craft room, resource room and several common areas.

Charity of choice

Sorrentino’s Compassion House is one of my charities of choice.  This amazing facility is funded and run entirely through the generosity of donations and volunteers.

Tomorrow, May 8^th, people in the Edmonton area can support Sorrentino’s Compassion House through a fundraiser called Cup of Compassion.

Second Cup coffee shops will be donating 50 cents from the sale of each beverage. What better reason for a cup of coffee?

I’m pleased to support this great fundraiser by donating 1000 copies of my book Create a Ripple:  Making a World of Difference to be handed out at selected Second Cup locations in Edmonton tomorrow.

Create a Ripple shares stories of how people can make a difference in the world in small and large ways. The story of how Sorrentino’s Compassion House came to be is one of those included. One dollar from the sale of each copy of Create a Ripple is donated to Sorrentino’s Compassion House.

Treat yourself to a coffee break 

So if you live near or in Edmonton, stop in for a Cup of Compassion. And if you live outside the area, please consider making a small donation to Sorrentino’s Compassion House on-line.

You’ll be glad you did.

I’m not sure how or when, but somewhere along the line I must have angered the luggage gods. Or at least those ones assigned to Rome. A couple of years ago, I and my five traveling companions arrived in Rome and none of our bags did. Not one. Imagine 3 days, sweltering heat and no change of clothes. Okay maybe you don’t want to imagine that.

Fast forward…

to a couple of weeks ago, when once again I arrived in Rome for a hiking retreat in Tuscany. I have to admit the thought of lost luggage did cross my mind once or twice but I shrugged it off thinking I had paid my dues on the last trip.

There’s nothing more discouraging than watching suitcases come along the carousel and yours is not there. I tend to play a little game with myself that I just have to be patient - first bag on - last bag off.  But you know that you are kidding yourself when the only unclaimed bag is a rather sorry looking blue backpack that just keeps going around and around.

Déjà vu

So with a sense of déjà vu and a deep breath, I went through the process of reporting my “delayed” not “lost” suitcase.  I wonder if there is a place where blue backpacks go to report a lost traveler?

There’s some comfort in knowing I’m not alone in luggage limbo. When Heathrow Airport opened a new terminal in April, 15,000 pieces of luggage were stranded.  Apparently the worst European airline for losing bags is TAP Air Portugal, followed closely by British Airways.  The best at not losing bags? Air Malta and Turkish Airlines. Go figure.

This time my suitcase didn’t reappear for four days. In the meantime, I was in the Tuscan countryside with one change of underwear, a borrowed rain jacket, my husband’s t-shirt - his luggage of course appeared on cue - could that be because he’s Italian? - and the same pair of grungy pants.

Going with the flow

During those four days I surprised myself at how un-fixated I was on not having my luggage. It seemed to me that this was the perfect opportunity to go with the flow of natural chaos. My suitcase would turn up in its own time. So I decided to not only make the best of it, but have a great time in spite of it.

And yes I did do a little dance of joy when my suitcase was finally delivered to me.  I wish I had attached a nanny cam to find out where suitcases go when they travel without you.

The best part was when one of my retreat companions said, “I’m glad you have your bag…and thank you for not whining while you didn’t.” Seems like going with the flow makes everyone’s experience better.

What your best going with the flow story?

Contrary to what you might have been thinking,

I have not…

been abducted by aliens

entered the witness protection program

run off with Johnny Depp (although that would have been cool)

or succumbed to any other dramatic circumstance.

My rather lengthy absence from this blog was simply due to the convergence of several events…

two weeks in Italy

one week of a nasty cold

one week helping my eldest daughter prepare for a three month trip to Africa.

Sometimes life just happens.