Loving the Chaos

The holiday season is often a time when budgets get stretched to the max. People run around hunting for this year’s in thing or scratch their heads about what to give Uncle Bob. In the end, most people have difficulty remembering what they gave last year and what they received. In many instances gift giving has become another “to do” list rather than an opportunity to connect and create memories. It doesn’t have to be that way if you shift your thinking away from things and toward more meaningful gifts.

Your first reaction when you look at a list of non-material gifts might be that they are “nice” but somehow not quite sufficient. If that’s your response, give yourself a little gift of reflection. Think about what makes a gift heartfelt, special and memorable. Sometimes it is a tangible thing, but often there’s a much more valuable gift that you can share.

As you make your holiday plans, consider these priceless gifts:

The gift of no.

Saying yes when you’d rather say no is a common experience. Give someone a card that simply says, “No thanks” that can be traded at any time during the year for something to which they would rather say no. They get to choose and you graciously accept their no even if you’d rather they say yes. Trust me – this is a powerful gift.

The gift of time.

Everyone says they don’t have enough of it, so time is the ultimate priceless gift. How could you share your time with someone? How could you free up someone else’s time? If you were given a free hour or day, wouldn’t that be wonderful? Make a commitment to honoring this gift so it doesn’t become an unfulfilled promise.

The gift of fun and laughter.

Commit to doing something fun with someone. It’s easy to become so serious in life that we miss the opportunities for fun and laughter. When was the last time you laughed until you cried? Or had so much fun you didn’t stop smiling for days? Create a game night or go to karaoke or plan a mini movie festival.

The gift of an unfulfilled promise.

Is there someone you have been promising that you’ll get together for coffee? Perhaps an outing with one of your children? Some uncompleted household job your partner would really appreciate?  You know how it goes. There’s likely a long list of things you mean to do but time and busy schedules get in the way. After a while everyone starts to believe that it will never really happen. Give a firm commitment to someone to get together, or to start or finish a task. Then do it.

The gift of a keepsake.

Often we have some item that we intend to pass along to someone once we have died. Or sometimes we know that someone loves an object we have far more than we do. Consider giving a keepsake gift now rather than waiting. Pass along a piece of jewelry or a book or even great grandma’s rocking chair. Why postpone the enjoyment?

Take a minute to leave a comment and share your priceless gift suggestions.

I was saddened to hear of the passing last Saturday of modern philosopher Jim Rohn. I have often shared his quote: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” It’s a thought that tends to stop people in their tracks as they reflect on the qualities of the people they surround themselves with.

Jim makes this challenge to us:

You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay?*

Very good advice from a wise man.

Fortunately for all of us, the legacy of his thoughts and inspiration will carry us forward as we stretch ourselves to live our very best lives.

*This quote is by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine, go to www.jimrohn.com Excerpted from The Treasury of Quotes by Jim Rohn. Copyright © 1994-2008 Jim Rohn International. All rights reserved worldwide.

Do you feel like you are held hostage by the holiday season?  Are you balanced precariously on the edge of sanity like the Grinch on the top of Mount Crumpit? 

Well you are not alone. 

Most people go over the top during the holidays – they over-commit, over-consume and overwhelm themselves with expectations.  Instead of feelings of peace and goodwill, people often find themselves tired, cranky and powered by guilt.  Their faces start to scrunch up into that Grinch-like scowl and fun is the last thing on their minds.  Taking care of the never-ending to-do list becomes the number one priority.  Then before they know it, the holidays have come and gone and January leaves them asking, “Is that all there is?”                               

Does that sound like you?

There is a way to de-Grinch yourself and steal back Christmas.  You can take back control by trying some new and unusual ways to hijack the holidays. 

Let go of your traditional time and energy drainer

I’ll bet that there is some holiday tradition that you have been holding on to just because it is a tradition.  No one really likes it anymore, everyone groans or mutters under their breath at the thought but you suck it up and do it anyway.  Let it go. 

Now some of you are gasping at the thought – how could you possibly do that?  I’m all for traditions – but only when they are rooted in meaning and everyone enjoys them.  If a tradition doesn’t have much meaning anymore and everyone grumbles, let it go this year.  One of two things will happen – everyone will miss it so much that next year they will revive the tradition with a renewed sense of enthusiasm – or everyone will breathe a sigh of relief and space opens up for creating some new tradition.

Give everyone on your list a very expensive gift

Well not any expensive gift.  Give them permission to say no.  Make a nice little card that can be traded at any time for a respectful, “No thanks.”  It’s a relatively simple gift to give but it gets a little costly when the person cashes in their card.  Quite likely they might say no to something you really want them to say yes to.  That’s where the true value of this gift comes – your gracious acceptance of a boundary being set.  No arguments, no negotiating, no whining.  Just a simple, “Thanks for using your gift.  I hope you enjoy it.”

Divide your time and money in half

Figure out your budget for Christmas – both how much money you spend and how much time you spend running around.  Now divide them both in half.  Spend half of your money and time on the usual things.  There never seems to be enough time and money at this point in the year so spend half of it and don’t worry about it.

Take the other half of your time and money and give it to charity.  Write a cheque to a cause you love.  Then find out how giving half of your holiday time to someone who needs it is infinitely more rewarding.  Charities have lots of tasks that need to be done – some that can be taken care of from your home – so there’s sure to be something that’s a good fit for you.

Recycle the one thing that no one will notice

I know many women who spend a lot of time – and money – in search of the perfect holiday dress.  Wear the one you wore last year.  Men do it all the time – they don’t run around looking for the next great black suit.  Chances are last year’s holiday outfit was some version of the little black dress anyway.  Unless you wore something revealing all of your earthly charms, I guarantee no one will remember what you had on.  Save yourself the time, money and aggravation.

Give yourself the gift of a life time

We all love getting presents so go ahead and give yourself one that will last a lifetime.  Chances are there is someone in your life – past or present – that you need to forgive.  Carrying around the burden of hurt and disappointment takes a huge toll.  Give yourself permission to forgive.  You don’t necessarily have to say anything.  This is a gift that lives in your heart.  And it’s one with a double whammy.  Whether you say anything out loud or not, you get the benefit and so does the other person.  There’s nothing more priceless than letting go.

You know the Grinch figured out that the holidays are about intangible things.  Sure, ribbons and papers and bows are nice, but after a while stuff is just stuff.   Stealing back Christmas is about choosing to do something different.  All the Who’s in your ville might be delighted.

I’ve said it many times – my clients are sources of great wisdom. Today one of them shared how being tired and out of energy actually created the best holiday gift.

My client – let’s call her “Mary” – recently had the flu and is still feeling tired and out of energy. With Christmas fast approaching she was thinking that there was no way she was going to get all of the usual holiday shopping done. And then it dawned on her. This was actually an opportunity to make some changes. Instead of running around buying gifts Mary decided to:

• call her family and suggest that they draw names and only buy a gift for one person rather than everyone
• ask that each family member contribute $25 to a family charity donation

What a simple solution to Mary’s energy crisis!

Most importantly this decision allows Mary to more closely honor her personal values and align her choices with them. The focus for Christmas is now less on the number of presents and more on one special gift for one person. The family gets to make a difference in the lives of the people who benefit from the charity they choose. Mary has also been working on decluttering her physical space and this reduces the number of new items entering her house. Brilliant!

It’s easy to get into habits with holiday gift giving that don’t truly reflect what you believe is important. You end up running around doing 101 jobs that create stress and deplete the holiday spirit. Take Mary’s example and consider how you might approach shopping this year. What habits have you gotten into that might need to be re-invented or replaced?

The other great lesson here is being able to find the opportunity in whatever circumstances are presenting themselves. Mary could have let her illness and recouperation been a source of stress. Instead she turned it around into something that served her – and all of us who can learn from it. Now that’s a good gift.