Loving the Chaos

Ask Laurel:  Whenever I’m faced with a decision I just can’t seem to make up my mind. How do I quit waffling and decide?

It’s easy when faced with a decision to get caught up in a circular conversation of “should I” or “shouldn’t I”. The problem with waffling is that usually whatever the problem is, it gets worse, or an opportunity passes you by.

Certainly you want to take your time with big choices. Consider all the options. Stretch yourself beyond the most obvious 2 solutions and think about other creative ones. Weigh the pros and cons and make a choice.

Remember most of the decisions you make are not life-altering. Think of them as a chance to test a theory or try something new or create a learning experience. The more confident you become with decision making on the small stuff, the easier it will be when you are faced with a huge choice.

Leave a comment:

What are your best decision-making tips?

And be sure to ask Laurel your own “how to” life motivation or strategy question.

The great thing about a bucket list is that it helps you actually experience some of life’s coolest adventures. Attending Carnevale in Venice (think Mardi Gras with an Italian twist) has been on my bucket list for a long time. With a rich historic tradition and an abundance of pageants, masquerade balls, parades and concerts, I knew Carnevale would be a sensory delight.  

During a recent trip to Italy, indeed Carnevale did not disappoint – a cavalcade of colour, music and people. And of course dressing in Renaissance garb, wandering the streets admiring other costumes and attending events brought some life lessons into clearer focus.

Everybody wears a mask.

It’s not just during a festival like Carnevale or Halloween or Mardi Gras that people wear masks. Every day we conceal parts of ourselves depending upon the circumstances and company. Some people are more transparent about who they are. Others are afraid to let their real selves out into the light for fear of rejection. They think others might not like them or that somehow their authentic self is not quite enough. Think about the mask you wear each day. How willing are you to speak your truth?

You can only wear a mask for so long.

No matter how well designed, every mask gets a little uncomfortable after a while. It itches or rubs a bit, or your vision might be hampered. You get to the point where it’s just time to take it off. That’s true for the mask that you wear day in and out. After a while it gets a little uncomfortable concealing your real self. You get itchy to show up more fully, even in spite of the cost. Wait too long and you might find that unmasking is accompanied by a poor choice of words, or a burst of anger. Pay attention to that uncomfortable feeling. It’s a good sign that it’s time to reveal yourself.

A bucket list helps you make a goal become a reality.

I’ve been to Italy several times so why had it taken so long to get to Carnevale? The weather in Italy in February is not the most charming and that became a great excuse. Having Carnevale on my bucket list eventually forced me to face that excuse head on. Carnevale IS in February so if it was actually something I wanted to experience in this life, I would just have to get over the potential weather. Carnevale was amazing; the weather was not!

Creating a life list of goals is a sound strategy to help you make those goals a reality. Once you’ve added something to the list, the conversation can become more about “how can I make this happen?” rather than about the inevitable excuses for why it might be a challenge. And, of course, watching for the perfect opportunity to present itself. In this case, my daughter has been completing a semester in Italy so it seemed like just the right time to check off a bucket list item.

Making a list of life goals, commonly called a bucket list, is a great strategy to expand your life experiences and live a life of no regrets.

Here are some tips for creating a bucket list:

Brainstorm what’s possible.

Begin by thinking about these 2 questions:

If time, energy and money were not an obstacle, what experiences would I like to have?

What are the things and experiences that I do not want to regret leaving undone at the end of my life?

Make a written list.

Write down your lists of life goals and experiences. Organize your list into categories that make sense to you. You might want to use categories like these:

• places to visit
• skills I’d like to have
• things I’d like to try
• things I would like to accomplish
• experiences I want to have
• books I want to read
• things in my wildest dreams

Review your list.

One or two times a year review your list. Choose one thing on your list to focus on. Begin taking concrete actions to make this goal possible. Add new things to your bucket list. Think of it as a work in progress.

Share your list.

Let your friends, family and colleagues know what is on your list. There might be someone you know who can help you accomplish your goal. Perhaps they have a contact or resource for you or they might hear of an opportunity to pass along. If they don’t know what’s on your list, they won’t make the connection. Remember the principle of six degrees of separation. Achieving your goal might be easier than you think.

Tune in to opportunities.

When you know what’s on your bucket list, you are more likely to pay attention to opportunities that present themselves out of the blue. You might be surprised at what pops up. Trust that the universe is collaborating on your behalf.

Make a scrapbook.

Instead of simply checking things off the list as you complete them, consider making a scrapbook that celebrates each goal. Include a photo or some other memento and a few lines capturing your experience. Feel free to look back in your life as well and include peak experiences you have already had. They can give you confidence and motivation to move forward on other goals. Imagine coming to the end of your life and being able to flip through this scrapbook of all of the wonderful life goals – large and small – that you have accomplished.

This month’s 10 in 2010 challenge is to Unplug More.

Your challenge for the month is to turn off your cell phone & TV during meals.

Next week we’ll add in a new challenge.

The key is to stick with this unplugged commitment for the rest of the year.

Just keeping this simple boundary is a step toward reducing stress, more mindfulness and richer conversations.

If it’s been working for you, you might consider what other unplugged boundaries you want to create:

• check email only once per day
• decide on your TV viewing ahead of time rather than surfing
• record your favourite shows and watch them when its most convenient (and commercial free)
• limit your internet usage to specific times

• declare an unplugged day per week or month

Post a comment & share your unplugged ideas.

PS  – Remember you can always find all of the previous 10 in 2010 tips located in the 10 in 2010 category on the right hand side.

Wealth is the number of things you can do without.

Dostoyevsky

Sometimes we get caught up in the collection of material possessions and lose sight of the richness in the simplest of things.

Take some time to consider what you really can’t do without. Chances are it doesn’t come from a big box store or with a fancy label.

Ask yourself what you might gain from downsizing, decluttering or simplifying. You likely are far wealthier than you think.

Leave a comment:

In what ways are you wealthy?

This month’s 10 in 2010 challenge is to Unplug More.

Your challenge for the month is to turn off your cell phone & TV during meals.

It’s been two weeks being unplugged.

What have the benefits been?

What have you learned about yourself?

For those of you who are seeing the benefit of creating boundaries about when and where you are plugged in, here’s another little challenge:

turn off your cell phone while driving

Most places will have cell phone legislation sooner rather than later so get with the program now. It’s a safety issue plain and simple.

What phone call is so important that you would risk your safety and that of those around you?

When you think about the boundaries you create in your life, do they reflect the things that are most important to you?

Or are you willing to blur the edges for convenience or someone else’s priorities?

Take a stand for what you believe in and let your actions reflect it.

Post a comment & let us know how unplugged is, or isn’t working for you.

PS – Remember you can always find all of the previous 10 in 2010 tips located in the 10 in 2010 category on the right hand side.

Ask Laurel: Lately I find myself complaining more. How can I avoid becoming a chronic complainer?

We all have times when we need to vent a little. It’s a good way to release tension and clear the air. Complaining on the other hand is simply an annoying and unproductive habit. Nobody likes a complainer.

If your rant lasts less than 5 minutes and happens infrequently, you’re likely just venting. If you find yourself complaining on a daily basis, it’s time for a more pro-acrtive response.

Complaining rarely changes a situation. Consider ways you can channel the same energy into a positive action. It might mean that you need to stop or start doing something differently. Instead of complaining about other people’s behaviour, ask yourself what you can do to improve things.

If you have recently started to complain more frequently, consider whether you are feeling more overextended and/or underappreciated than usual. It may be time to re-evaluate your commitments or ask for help.

Leave a comment and share:

What do you like to complain about?

Be sure to ask your own “how to” life motivation or strategy question.

We are a very list oriented culture. We make grocery lists and Christmas lists and household chore lists. I would bet that you have at least one to-do list on the go right now. But there’s one list that people have a tendency to put off that can actually have a dramatic impact on the level of happiness and satisfaction they experience in life.

Before you kick the bucket

A life list, or bucket list, is one that you don’t want to put off any longer. Simply speaking, a bucket list captures all of the things you want to do before you “kick the bucket”. It’s your “no regrets” list. John Goddard is generally credited with first introducing the idea of creating a list of life goals. Then in 2007 the Bucket List movie starring Jack Nicolson and Morgan Freeman brought the idea into popular culture. You might have seen the movie. Did you actually create your own bucket list?

Life is way too short

Life has a way of passing quickly no matter how long you live. Creating a bucket list is one way to be more conscious and proactive about achieving your goals – both big and small. When people live amazingly full and wonderful lives it’s not typically a result of luck. Sure there may be some synchronicity involved, but it’s more likely that people who have had lots of fabulous experiences played an active role in making them happen.

Making a bucket list allows your imagination to run wild with possibilities. If time, energy and money were not obstacles, what experiences would you like to have?

A bucket list is not only a list of wildest dreams. It’s also a list of smaller goals and experiences that you don’t want to miss – everything from learning to hand roll sushi to reading War and Peace.

Making your list

The key to making a bucket list is not to worry about how to make any one thing on it happen. It’s more important to make the list, and then each year consciously work toward achieving at least one thing while being tuned in to other opportunities that might unexpectedly present themselves. It’s not uncommon that once a person makes a life list and starts focusing on it, other opportunities pop up out of the blue. If you have already identified what experiences you are looking for, you are more apt to recognize them when they show up.

Instead of simply adding “make a bucket list” to your endless to-do list, start now by planning what you would like to make happen in your life.

Watch for upcoming tips on creating your bucket list.

Leave a comment:

What’s on your bucket list?

This month’s 10 in 2010 challenge is to Unplug More.

Your challenge for the month is to turn off your cell phone & TV during meals.

For some of you this one is not too hard. It’s actually a refreshing change.

For others unplugging even for half an hour is a stretch.

One of the big obstacles to having enough time to do what is important to you is not setting boundaries. That and the internal conversation you have with yourself about why you can or can’t do something.

What’s the underlying belief you are holding that encourages you to leave your cell phone or the TV on during meals?

Maybe it’s something like…

I need to be in constant touch with the office, my kids, stock market updates or ?

My multi-tasking doesn’t impact on the people around me.

I have to be busy all the time.

Unless there is a real emergency going on – like you are waiting for the birth of a child, or a call from the transplant team, you can indeed create a boundary that protects mealtimes.

During meals you have a chance to have an undistracted conversation with other people. You can pay attention to what you are eating and when you feel full. You can take time to refuel your body and relax.

Take a look at the excuses you are making for not being able to meet this month’s challenge.

If you have been easing into this challenge, raise the bar a bit. Add more mealtimes that are unplugged.

Post a comment & let us know how unplugged is, or isn’t working for you.

PS    Remember you can always find all of the previous 10 in 2010 tips located in the 10 in 2010 category on the right hand side.

Never mistake motion for action.

Ernest Hemmingway

Are you constantly in motion?

Perpetually busy?

Just because you don’t have a spare minute doesn’t mean that you are engaged in purposeful activity. If you find yourself with a lack of energy or enthusiasm, take inventory of how you are spending your time.

Chances are there are lots of tasks that keep you busy but don’t help move you closer to your goals. Giving up some of your busy work makes more time and energy for activities that are fun, meaningful and satisfying.

Leave a comment:

What keeps you way too busy?