Loving the Chaos

Ask Laurel: Somebody told me they think I need a life coach. So what’s a life coach and why would I want one?

Life coaching is one of the fastest growing segments of the personal development industry but people are still confused about what a life coach does. A life coach is NOT your therapist, your mother or your BFF. You probably already have one or more of those already. A life coach works with you to clarify what you want to change in your life and then helps you create an action plan to make it happen. Many people want to make changes but feel stuck or uncertain about how to get started. They can’t quite see the forest for the trees. Sometimes they need new strategies, a boost of confidence or some motivation. And sometimes they need an objective partner to help keep them accountable. Individuals who want to be at the top of their game, whether they are athletes, executives or ordinary every day people, know that partnering with a coach is one of the smartest choices they can make.

Stone Circle coaching offers a variety of  individual, group and home study programs to help you live your best life.

Ask Laurel:  Whenever I’m faced with a decision I just can’t seem to make up my mind. How do I quit waffling and decide?

It’s easy when faced with a decision to get caught up in a circular conversation of “should I” or “shouldn’t I”. The problem with waffling is that usually whatever the problem is, it gets worse, or an opportunity passes you by.

Certainly you want to take your time with big choices. Consider all the options. Stretch yourself beyond the most obvious 2 solutions and think about other creative ones. Weigh the pros and cons and make a choice.

Remember most of the decisions you make are not life-altering. Think of them as a chance to test a theory or try something new or create a learning experience. The more confident you become with decision making on the small stuff, the easier it will be when you are faced with a huge choice.

Leave a comment:

What are your best decision-making tips?

And be sure to ask Laurel your own “how to” life motivation or strategy question.

Ask Laurel: Lately I find myself complaining more. How can I avoid becoming a chronic complainer?

We all have times when we need to vent a little. It’s a good way to release tension and clear the air. Complaining on the other hand is simply an annoying and unproductive habit. Nobody likes a complainer.

If your rant lasts less than 5 minutes and happens infrequently, you’re likely just venting. If you find yourself complaining on a daily basis, it’s time for a more pro-acrtive response.

Complaining rarely changes a situation. Consider ways you can channel the same energy into a positive action. It might mean that you need to stop or start doing something differently. Instead of complaining about other people’s behaviour, ask yourself what you can do to improve things.

If you have recently started to complain more frequently, consider whether you are feeling more overextended and/or underappreciated than usual. It may be time to re-evaluate your commitments or ask for help.

Leave a comment and share:

What do you like to complain about?

Be sure to ask your own “how to” life motivation or strategy question.

My kids are finishing school and planning to leave home. How do I manage the empty nest syndrome?

As a parent it’s natural to feel some twinges as your children grow and leave the home to start their own life adventures. This is a great time for you to focus on what your next life adventure will be. Parents often put their own dreams and passions aside as they concentrate on raising their children. Sometimes you completely lose touch with what those dreams are. Now that you have fewer day to day responsibilities with your kids, you will have more time to explore those things that you may have set aside.

What have you always wanted to do but have not had the time or energy to take on?

What part of yourself would you like to get to know better?

What hobby have you stopped doing or would like to start?

What you focus on increases, so first give yourself a high five for a parenting job well done, then shift your attention to creating something meaningful for you in this next phase of your life.

What’s next for you?

Some days work seems like a real chore and I come home feeling tired and cranky. How do I leave work at work?

Stress levels in the workplace can sometimes be pretty high, especially in an uncertain economy. When you bring that home, you might as well just sleep at the office.

To make the transition from work easier, try using the commute home as a decompression phase. Imagine as you enter your car (or bus or subway train) that you getting into a transformational chamber. Set an intention that by the time you arrive home, you will have reset your mood and attitude.

Choose music that suits your needs in the moment – to re-energize, to uplift, to let go.

Turn off the talk radio or news.

Focus on your breathing.

Circumstances at work are sometimes out of your control. Making the shift from work to home is a conscious choice to take control in your life where you can.

Post a comment and share your best leaving work at work tip.

And don’t forget to to ask your own “how to” life motivation or strategy question.

Ask Laurel…Every January I make a New Year’s resolution and by February it’s fallen by the wayside. How do I stay on track with my goal?

It’s inevitable at this time of year for people to start talking about New Year’s resolutions. Some people make the same one year after year. Some people staunchly delcare, “I don’t do resolutions.” And some people think about it and then never take any action.

New Year’s resolutions have gotten a bad reputation.

That’s because when you  say you’re going to do something and then you don’t, you start to feel really bad. You begin to doubt your own credibility. And if you’re someone who makes a public statement and then doesn’t follow through, everyone thinks “Yeah yeah, heard that one before.”

There’s nothing wrong with making a New Year’s resolution. 

Here are 2 things to keep in mind when you do. First, the start of a new year gives the sense of a clean slate so it’s natural to think about change at that time. However, there’s nothing magical about January 1^st that automatically will lead to your success. Setting a new goal requires thought and commitment. Making a declaration at a party on New Year’s Eve or at the urging of someone else is not a great jumping off point for change.

Plan more 

Secondly, many New Year’s resolutions are made without sufficient planning. Even with a mindset of determination, being successful with a goal takes planning: both what you will do and how you will manage the inevitable obstacles that pop up along the way. Consider what’s reasonable to accomplish given your starting point. As you experience success you can always set the bar higher or take the next step.

Successful people also excel at Plan B. Think ahead about the kinds of set backs you might encounter and consider how you will tackle them. Then when they show up, you’re better prepared to manage them.

Kick Start the year 

If you’re looking for a way to get the New Year off to a great start, join me for the Kick Start 2009 teleclass on January 8th. Read more here.

You can also check out the 30 Day Challenge on the right side of the page under Categories. It’s a great way to begin creating a habit that sticks. Start at Day One and then come back each day for the next tip.

What is your resolution for 2009?

Ask Laurel…

With all of the gloom and doom news in the economic markets these days I find myself worrying more. What’s a good way to manage this uncertainty?

 Worry is an unproductive activity. It uses up your time but doesn’t really change anything. You can decide instead to be proactive.

When the going gets tough, successful people get back to basics.

Now is a great time to take inventory on all levels – financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  Are you clear on your priorities?

Do your current choices and behaviours reflect those priorities?

Is a small or large re-adjustment needed?

Course corrections, whether in financial markets or in life, are a time to step back, evaluate, plan and act wisely. Also remember that no matter the current challenge, there is also an opportunity waiting to be seized. It’s easy to get distracted by worry and miss an opening that might serve you well.

Take inventory. 

If you are looking for a quick tool to take inventory, visit my website http://www.stonecirclecoaching.com and look for the Wheel of Life in the Free Stuff section.

Post a comment and ask Laurel your life coaching question.

Ask Laurel… 

September will soon be here with back to school and lots of sports, clubs and activities. How do I avoid over-committing myself and my family?

There are so many wonderful activities to choose, it’s easy to jam your schedule to overflowing.  You probably want to give your children a rich smorgasbord of experiences. But just like a food buffet, if you don’t pick and choose, you just might end up making yourself sick. Over-extended schedules, even made with the best intentions, often result in fast food in the car, rushed conversations and frazzled nerves.

What’s your tolerance level? 

Each family has its own tolerance level for commitments. Some families are able to take on lots of things and still feel energized. Other families need fewer commitments in order to function smoothly. Think back to last year.

Did you feel overwhelmed?

Did it seem like you were always rushing from one activity to the next without time to breathe?

If the answer is yes, then being  pickier about the things you commit to is probably a good idea.

Consciously create an experience 

Consider the experience you want to create for your family when making choices. Participating in one activity, having more fun and feeling less stress far outweighs multiple commitments. And remember to leave some white space in your schedule to allow for all of those unexpected things that will most definitely pop up.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?

Ask Laurel…

What’s a vision board and how can it help me reach my goals?

A vision board is simply a collection of images and words that captures the essence of your goal.  It’s a concrete representation of what you or your life “looks like” when you have achieved your goal. You can make one using photos or pictures from a magazine. An 8 X 11 cardstock page works well although it can be any size you wish. Glue the pictures and words on in a collage format.

A vision board is helpful in two ways.

First it becomes a powerful reminder of the goal you are working toward. Hanging it in a prominent place lets you see your goal every day. It’s easy to lose sight of a goal when life gets hectic and other commitments crowd your schedule. A vision board provides constant reinforcement of where you are heading.

A vision board can also help with your planning process.

You can use it to plan looking forward by asking yourself, “What is the first step I need to take to get to that vision?” Sometimes it’s hard to see the steps you need to take to achieve a goal. Instead of beginning where you are, you can also use your vision board to plan backwards. Since it presents an image of your final result you can look at it and ask yourself, “What was I doing successfully just before achieving my goal?” Then ask yourself, “What was I doing just before that step?” and so on moving back to where you currently are.

Working with a vision board is just one of the many coaching tools I use with my clients to help them create their best lives.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?

Ask Laurel…

I know what I should be doing but I just can’t seem to get my act together. How can I get unstuck?

For many people knowing what to do or even how to do it is not what keeps them from achieving their goals. It’s getting started doing something different. People like to collect up all kinds of books and information on a topic – like healthy eating or fitness or finding balance. But somehow they never seem to translate that great information into action.

Do something

If you want to get unstuck, just start by doing something – anything at all. Inertia - a lack of movement – is a big obstacle to creating change. Often we think that we need to have all our ducks in a row before we begin.  Or sometimes the magnitude of a change we’re considering seems overwhelming and so we put it off. Taking the first step, no matter how small, is the way to get some forward momentum. Once you’re moving in the right direction, then you can begin to add in other behaviours and choices.

Start small

Choose something that is easy to do so the commitment doesn’t feel so big. You could take the stairs, or substitute a low fat option or take five minutes of me-time. Commit just for today and then re-commit tomorrow.

Never underestimate the power of one small step. That’s how all great changes started.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?