Loving the Chaos

I was recently at the Greater Edmonton Teachers’ Convention and had the opportunity to conduct an informal survey with hundreds of people.

Here are the 2 questions we asked:

Which area of your life is working the best?

Which area of your life is not working as well as you would like it to?

Using a Wheel of Life divided into the following categories, we asked people to think about their current level of life satisfaction:

Career

Relationship (partner/spouse)

Physical Environment (house, work space)

Personal Growth (including spirituality)

Finances

Health & Self Care (including fitness)

Family & Friends

Fun & Recreation

Most of the participants were teachers. I’m not sure whether these results would differ greatly or not with any other group of people if we asked the same questions.

Overwhelmingly, friends & family was the category in which people were the most satisfied. Hands down, health & self care and finances were the areas that were working the least well for people.

So here are some thoughts about these results:

Worrying about finances creates a lot of stress.

People can not make their best contribution to work or home if they ignore their health & self care.

Family & friends can provide a lot of support, encouragement, connection.

Too much energy taking care of friends & family can impact negatively on your own self care.

Of course there were a few people who said everything was wonderful and couldn’t be better. Hmmmm. I love seeing people who are getting great satisfaction out of their lives. And it’s too bad when people believe that nothing can get better. Settling for a good life when it can be great or a great life when it can be exceptional is still settling. It’s not about never being satisfied. It’s about stretching yourself into the most amazing life possible, even an unimaginably, outrageously fulfilling one.

How would you answer the survey questions?

What’s working & not working for you?

We are a very list oriented culture. We make grocery lists and Christmas lists and household chore lists. I would bet that you have at least one to-do list on the go right now. But there’s one list that people have a tendency to put off that can actually have a dramatic impact on the level of happiness and satisfaction they experience in life.

Before you kick the bucket

A life list, or bucket list, is one that you don’t want to put off any longer. Simply speaking, a bucket list captures all of the things you want to do before you “kick the bucket”. It’s your “no regrets” list. John Goddard is generally credited with first introducing the idea of creating a list of life goals. Then in 2007 the Bucket List movie starring Jack Nicolson and Morgan Freeman brought the idea into popular culture. You might have seen the movie. Did you actually create your own bucket list?

Life is way too short

Life has a way of passing quickly no matter how long you live. Creating a bucket list is one way to be more conscious and proactive about achieving your goals – both big and small. When people live amazingly full and wonderful lives it’s not typically a result of luck. Sure there may be some synchronicity involved, but it’s more likely that people who have had lots of fabulous experiences played an active role in making them happen.

Making a bucket list allows your imagination to run wild with possibilities. If time, energy and money were not obstacles, what experiences would you like to have?

A bucket list is not only a list of wildest dreams. It’s also a list of smaller goals and experiences that you don’t want to miss – everything from learning to hand roll sushi to reading War and Peace.

Making your list

The key to making a bucket list is not to worry about how to make any one thing on it happen. It’s more important to make the list, and then each year consciously work toward achieving at least one thing while being tuned in to other opportunities that might unexpectedly present themselves. It’s not uncommon that once a person makes a life list and starts focusing on it, other opportunities pop up out of the blue. If you have already identified what experiences you are looking for, you are more apt to recognize them when they show up.

Instead of simply adding “make a bucket list” to your endless to-do list, start now by planning what you would like to make happen in your life.

Watch for upcoming tips on creating your bucket list.

Leave a comment:

What’s on your bucket list?

Everyone is all a buzz about Susan Boyle, the 47 year old singer who wowed the judges and audience at the Britain’s Got Talent competition.

Most certainly this woman has an amazing voice and an interesting story. For sure most people will get a warm fuzzy when they listen to her sing.

But that’s not what is really key in this latest YouTube sensation.

Susan Boyle is the poster girl for our critically bad habit of judging people and things long before we have any real knowledge of them.

Everyone took one look at this “kind of frumpy, middle aged, never been kissed” woman and made a snap judgement about what she could offer to a singing competition. And boy oh boy did she prove everyone wrong.

So here’s the lesson for us all:

How many times in your day do you make judgements about the people and situations around you, either silently to yourself or out loud for everyone to hear ?

How many times do you assume you have all the facts?

How many times do you comment on someone’s dress, behaviour, lifestyle or motivation?

We all like to think of ourselves as non-judgemental.

Here’s your challenge:

For the next day, turn up your radar and listen to both your internal chatter and out loud expressions about other people. How many times in the day are you voting on what’s good or bad, in or out of style, acceptable or not?

You’ll probably be pretty surprised at the number of judgements you make. We live in a culture that encourages us to “vote” on what everyone else is doing. Look at the popularity of competition style television.

Have a reality check about where you are on the judgement continuum.

Awareness is always the first step in change.

I’m a big believer that you create your own reality by the thoughts and images you surround yourself with. You construct your own world view and through your thoughts and actions, you communicate it to the rest of us.

So I’m SO curious about something that I recently saw in a parking lot. Hanging from the rear view mirror of a car was a sign with a 1950’s style woman holding a tomato. And the sign said:

You say tomato and I says f#*%ck you.

Now that’s an interesting world view.

Some of you might say, Laurel lighten up. It’s meant as a joke. Yeah I get that might have been the motive. And here’s something else to consider:

How much time does someone spend in the car?  How often are they looking at a sign that in essence says “It’s all about me buddy”?

No wonder we have such difficulty getting along with each other – locally and globally. How many people saw that sign and for a moment their energy shifted and they thought “yuck”. For how many people did it reinforce their own view that the world is a me-first place?

It’s often the little things that make a BIG difference.

Even the stuff we put on our bumper stickers, wear on our t-shirts and hang from our rear view mirrors. You get to communicate your world view all the time.

Let me know…

If you were going to hang a sign with your world view slogan on it, what would it say?

Multi-tasking is either the backbone of civilization as we know it, or the scourge of our very souls.”

So says journalist Heidi Stevens in a recent article describing the multi-tasking mania of an Illinois mother.

I’d say it’s not either/or. It’s both.

Somewhere along the line we got the idea that multi-tasking is a good thing. We even began revering people who seemed to be able to do ten things all at once. We began the mantra that multi-tasking is a necessary evil.

Nonsense.

We aren’t designed to give our focus to multiple things at the same time. Oh, sure walking and chewing gum are fine. But when it comes to trying to do something of importance along with one or more other tasks, all that happens is that we do none of them particularly well.

That’s how we find ourselves in a culture that loves mediocrity.

You can not have a meaningful conversation with someone while you are checking your email.

You can not drive safely while texting or putting on your make-up.

You can not listen to how your kids’ or partner’s day went while you’re watching TV.

How do you spend your time? 

One of the reasons why people think they don’t have enough time is that they shove too many unimportant things into one time slot. They don’t give their mindful attention to the task at hand, especially the really important things like connecting with loved ones.

Fold laundry and watch TV – sure. 

Expect someone to share what’s really happening in their world while your attention is diverted – not a chance.

I’d suggest that it’s better to do fewer things well than a bunch of things half heartedly.

Take a stand for single tasking – especially where it matters.

“Where were you when?” moments happen as part of our collective experience. They bring us together as we share joy and sorrow and history in the making.

Your own life has moments etched in time too.

They are the moments or experiences that cause you to stop and take notice, that perhaps change your life path, that also bring you joy and sorrow.

Sometimes we call them pivotal moments or peak experiences.

Things like:

birth

death 

an accomplishment

a unique experience

an insight, AHA or revelation

Just like “where were you when” moments, these experiences connect you to something deeply important within yourself. They remind you of something or highlight its significance. They might show you a theme in your life.

Take some time to think about the peak experiences in your life. 

Consider the ones that had the most impact on you. Try not to judge them. They may be big life events. And sometimes they are moments that on the surface seem quite trivial yet they packed an emotional punch for you.

What emotions did they create?

What core value did they reflect?

What reminder did they cause?

How did they impact on your life?

Please share a comment by clicking on the “Comments” like below.

I’d love to hear what moments are etched in your life time.

Please share a commen

Last night as Barack Obama stood in front of a sea of people in Chicago as the new President Elect of the USA, millions of other people watched on the TV or internet.

This will become one of those “where were you when” moments in time.

We share a collective memory of certain events, often tragic, but sometimes like last night uplifting and energizing.

Where were you when….

JFK was shot

the space shuttle Challenger exploded

Canada beat Russia in hockey in 1972 (if you’re Canadian this was a biggy eh!)

man landed on the moon

John Lennon died

the Berlin Wall came down

 9-11

or….

In these moments we share emotions and dreams, and sometimes the loss of dreams. We turn to each other for support or celebration. We come together in a common experience.

What is your strongest “where were you when” moment?

Yesterday I left you with some questions to ponder about whether your life, like the economy, needs a rescue plan.

When things get tough, successful people take inventory. Taking some time for reflection on questions like those is a good place to start.

Here’s the reason why:

Sure this whole global economic downturn is a complicated thing, but it seems to me that what’s at the heart of this problem is as much a spiritual crisis as a financial one. I’d say we’ve lost our way andI don’t mean to Wall Street.

We’ve lost our way because people buy things they really can’t afford. They are trying to drink champagne on a beer budget. Don’t get me wrong, I like the finer things in life. I think “buy the best you can afford” is a great motto. I don’t want to demonize wealth. I’m a big believer in abundance and all that goes with it.

But I’ll bet many people are up to their eyeballs and beyond in debt because they just had to have the biggest and the best and the newest “whatever” on the block. They bought houses and cars and toys that were really beyond their current means. They went on vacations they hadn’t yet paid for. They got the idea that they were entitled to the same kind of lifestyle that their parents had worked years for.

So why do people do that?

That’s the spiritual crisis. I think lots of people are trying to fill up giant holes in their souls with stuff. They’re trying to buy their way out of guilt. They’ve can’t seem to say no to themselves or their kids.. They’ve forgotten that money and stuff doesn’t buy happiness. If you aren’t content in your life, there’s nothing you’re going to buy at Walmart or Saks Fifth Avenue that will make you feel better. 

When you get right down to it, there’s been a lapse in morality – a steady decline in integrity. It’s sort of like stealing cookies from the cookie jar. You know it’s not right, but you really want that double fudge chocolate chip treat. And you also know, deep down, that eventually you’re going to get caught.

So here’s my challenge to you:

Take advantage of this economic crisis to take inventory on not only your finances, but also your moral compass.

Are your current choices a good reflection of your values?

Are you being a good role model?

Do you live beyond your current means?

Do you have the strength of character to require more of yourself?

What exactly do you stand for?

The great thing about a crisis is that it creates an opportunity to stop, reflect and correct your course as needed. Then you’ll be able to look back at the fall of 2008 and say, “Wow even though it wasn’t too pleasant that was the best thing that could have happened to me.”

What’s at the heart of your current crisis?

Everywhere you turn the current global economic crisis is front and center – jammed up credit markets, roller coaster stock markets, declining house prices and unemployment concerns.

Everyone has an opinion on the recent Wall Street rescue plan. And most people are asking,

“How did things get into such a mess?”

I’m no economic expert but it seems that part of the problem stems from a decline in morality, a pile of poor choices and not paying attention to flashing red signs.

It’s not surprising that when you take your eye off the ball, the game goes sideways.

Your life is not a whole lot different than the economy.

Are you heading for a personal recession?

Do you feel like things are out of control?

Have you been ignoring the signs that something needs to change?

Are your choices guided by a moral code?

Is it time to take stock and make some adjustments?

Does your life need a rescue plan?

Stop by tomorrow and I’ll share my thoughts on the real nature of the economic crisis.

One of my longtime friends sent these questions to a group of us who have known each other since childhood. It’s amazing what you might not know about people that you have actually known for a long time. I thought it was also an interesting list of things to share when you are getting to know someone new.

Here are my answers….at least for today:

Three jobs I have had: grocery store cashier, criminal court clerk, special education teacher

Three places I have lived: Brampton, Kingston, Morinville

Three TV shows that I watch: House, Criminal Minds, Grey’s Anatomy

Three places I have been: India, Italy, Costa Rica

Three of my favourite foods: New York Cheesecake, salad nicoise, scallops

Three places I’d like to be right now: right where I am, Tuscany, Machu Picchu

Three things I am looking forward to this year: book launch for Spontaneous Combustion, my 50th birthday, Thanksgiving

I hope you’ll post a comment and share three things about you.

And feel free to add to the list – what other three things would be fun to know?