Loving the Chaos

The great thing about a bucket list is that it helps you actually experience some of life’s coolest adventures. Attending Carnevale in Venice (think Mardi Gras with an Italian twist) has been on my bucket list for a long time. With a rich historic tradition and an abundance of pageants, masquerade balls, parades and concerts, I knew Carnevale would be a sensory delight.  

During a recent trip to Italy, indeed Carnevale did not disappoint – a cavalcade of colour, music and people. And of course dressing in Renaissance garb, wandering the streets admiring other costumes and attending events brought some life lessons into clearer focus.

Everybody wears a mask.

It’s not just during a festival like Carnevale or Halloween or Mardi Gras that people wear masks. Every day we conceal parts of ourselves depending upon the circumstances and company. Some people are more transparent about who they are. Others are afraid to let their real selves out into the light for fear of rejection. They think others might not like them or that somehow their authentic self is not quite enough. Think about the mask you wear each day. How willing are you to speak your truth?

You can only wear a mask for so long.

No matter how well designed, every mask gets a little uncomfortable after a while. It itches or rubs a bit, or your vision might be hampered. You get to the point where it’s just time to take it off. That’s true for the mask that you wear day in and out. After a while it gets a little uncomfortable concealing your real self. You get itchy to show up more fully, even in spite of the cost. Wait too long and you might find that unmasking is accompanied by a poor choice of words, or a burst of anger. Pay attention to that uncomfortable feeling. It’s a good sign that it’s time to reveal yourself.

A bucket list helps you make a goal become a reality.

I’ve been to Italy several times so why had it taken so long to get to Carnevale? The weather in Italy in February is not the most charming and that became a great excuse. Having Carnevale on my bucket list eventually forced me to face that excuse head on. Carnevale IS in February so if it was actually something I wanted to experience in this life, I would just have to get over the potential weather. Carnevale was amazing; the weather was not!

Creating a life list of goals is a sound strategy to help you make those goals a reality. Once you’ve added something to the list, the conversation can become more about “how can I make this happen?” rather than about the inevitable excuses for why it might be a challenge. And, of course, watching for the perfect opportunity to present itself. In this case, my daughter has been completing a semester in Italy so it seemed like just the right time to check off a bucket list item.

I just returned from a few days in Arizona hiking with some friends. The desert sure is a place that holds a lot of wisdom. Here’s some of the life lessons that I was reminded of as we explored the mountains and canyons near Tucson.

Figure out what works.

With an extreme climate and a shortage of water, everything in the desert has to adapt to the environment. Whether its a shallow root system or a clever way to collect water plants in particular learn what works. That’s true for you in life as well. Learn what works for you and let go of the things that don’t. Life becomes seriously out of balance when we try to go at a pace that is too quick, take on more commitments then we can manage, or forget to re-charge, refuel and restore ourselves.

Find a support system.

Part of the reason why things can survive in the desert is that plants and animals depend on each other: palo verde trees act a nurse plants for the saguaro cactus who then provide shelter for birds like kestrels and flickers. Figuring out that we are all part of an interdependent web of connections is important for humans too. It’s also true that you need a group of people who act as your support system. They are the people who cheer you on, brainstorm ideas and give you a kick in the butt when its needed. Find a mutually supportive network and watch how life takes off.

Be mindful of personal space.

There’s a fascinating plant in the desert called the Jumping Cholla. Get a little too close and it will release its prickly spines on you. Keep a respectful distance and you are just fine. We all have our own personal space that, when invaded by others, tends to make us a little prickly. Know where your personal boundaries are and be willing to communicate them to others before you feel crowded. And at the same time be mindful that others have boundaries that might be different from yours.

Take time to look closely.

With a cursory glance its easy to think that the desert is a barren place. Not true! There is a huge biodiversity – you just have to look closely sometimes to see all of the life that is thriving there. In our busy lives its easy to miss what is right in front of you. If you fly through your day from one task to the next without stopping to be present to the moment, you quite likely will miss the hidden beauty and treasures of the day. The big picture great – just remember to also take the time to observe the details.

Try something different.

I’m definitely an ocean girl but exploring the desert landscape was an absolute delight. It’s easy to get stuck in the same old way of doing things. Having a fresh perspective gives you new ideas, new inspiration, new energy. I’ll definitely go back to the desert for some more lessons.

I’ve been cleaning out my office. It’s amazing what you find in filing cabinets or on bookshelves or tucked in the back of cupboards.

Here’s a little something that I came across. I think my mother sent it to me years ago. Seems like pretty good advice. Not sure of it’s origin so if anyone knows the author please let me know.

Rules for Living

If you open it, close it.

If you turn it on, turn it off.

If you unlock it, lock it up.

If you break it, admit it.

If you can’t fix it, call someone who can.

If you borrow it, return it.

If you value it, take care of it.

If you make a mess, clean it up.

If you move it, put it back.

If it belongs to someone else, get permission to use it.

If you don’t know how to use it, leave it alone.

If it’s none of your business, don’t ask questions.

What rules for living do you have?

Having just spent a week in New York City I found that that there is no shortage of life lessons highlighted in the Big Apple.

Here are a few of my favourites.

In the midst of noise there is always a quiet center.

Central Park sits as a quiet refuge in the middle of a bustling city.  There you will find 843 acres of walking paths, lakes, ponds and wide open spaces. A place for peaceful relaxation amid the birds and trees. An abundance of green in a concrete city.

You also have a quiet refuge at your core – a place of calm and restoration that you can access anytime, even when everything is swirling around you. The trick is knowing how to tap into it – perhaps through meditation or music or a quiet walk. Once you’ve figured out how to get to your own private central park, it’ll always be waiting for you.

People are only as invisible as you want them to be.

There are two kinds of people I encountered in NYC – those who looked at you and those who didn’t. Tourists and locals alike could be divided into those two groups. Some people could see the homeless man in the park who was as content with a smile as he was with some loose change. Some people acknowledged the doorman or the cop on the beat or the guy handing out leaflets. And some people didn’t have the time.

It’s easy for us to let other people become invisible. When life is hectic and we are wrapped up in our own to do lists, we tend to put our heads down and barrel through the day. At the end of the day though, we’re all looking for a little human contact. Take the time to see the people around you, smile, open a door, say thank you.

Be grateful for the things you take for granted.

I had the extreme privilege of spending a little time with the firefighters of Ladder Company 3. What a great bunch of guys! Thanks especially to Mike and Chris for taking the time to share their NYC stories. Did you know that a firefighter’s basic equipment weighs 110 pounds? Imagine wearing that in the sweltering summer heat while you battle a fire!

There are lots of things that we simply don’t think about. We just assume that they will be there when we need them. Things like clean water from the tap, lights on when we flip the switch, and brave men and women who risk their lives because its part of the job. Consider what you have been taking for granted and say a little prayer of thanks.

You know what they say about NYC – if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. It seems to me if you can get the life lessons there, they work anywhere.

What’s your favourite life lesson?

Like most kids, it took me a while to figure out that my mom was one smart cookie. Inevitably I went through many years thinking I knew way more than my mother would ever possibly know. And of course as time passed I began to realize that I actually knew a fraction of what I thought I did.

Valuable lessons

My mom passed away in 1998. By that time I had realized that she had taught me a lot of valuable lessons throughout her life. Lessons like one of her favourite sayings, “What goes around comes around” which reflected a strong belief in the interconnectedness of the world. Or that the garden teaches you everything you need to know about life – about patience and nurturing, tenacity and growth, living and dying, and the beauty in everything.

Sit back and enjoy the ride

But one of the best lessons my mom taught me was that the shortest route is not always the best. “Don’t be in such a hurry to get where you’re going. Sit back and enjoy the ride.” I can still hear my mother saying this to my sister and me as we headed off to visit my grandmother in a neighbouring town. As a teenager, it was incomprehensible to me at the time that anyone would turn what could be a quick jaunt into a ninety minute tour through the countryside.

It’s taken many years for me to understand what my mom was trying to teach me. I’d always assumed that her decision to take the back roads was prompted by her dislike for driving on a multi-lane highway. What I know now is that it had more to do with a slower pace and room for conversation, time to see the rolling countryside, passing through quaint villages, past farms that likely no longer exist, having a moment to take in the spendour of the turning leaves, a chance to catch one’s breath in an otherwise hectic day.

Spiritual beings on a human journey

What my mom taught is that we are often in such a rush to be where we have to be, to get where we are going, we forget that it is the journey that makes up our lives. In all things that we rush toward, whether they be destinations or goals, we sacrifice the opportunity to see the wonders along the way or the chance for a different path that may lead perhaps somewhere entirely unexpected.  

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said that we are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. What a delightful thought! When we allow our spirit to guide us we become more mindful of our human journey and all that this amazing ride has in store for us.

What life lessons has your mom taught you?

I’ve been traveling a lot lately and have seen my share of airports and planes.  The inevitable wait time provides endless opportunities for reflection and observation.  It seems to me there are some lessons to be learned on the airplane that make darn good sense for the rest of your life.

Too much baggage is not good. 

You can usually tell the people who don’t travel too often.  They’re likely the ones whose carry-on bags will never fit into those sizing devices no matter how much they shove and cram.  Or they’re found kneeling at the check-in counter scrambling to try to share the contents of their suitcases with their traveling companions so they meet the baggage weight restrictions. 

Too much baggage is never a good thing when you are traveling.  It’s an even worse idea as you travel through life.  We all have a tendency to hold on to stuff long past when it serves us.  Just like packing too much for a trip, people pack away physical and emotional things until they are way over their limit.  What thoughts, hurts, perspectives, relationships, and clutter are you dragging around with you?  Deciding to travel light just makes the whole trip – in life or to the beach – so much easier.

Put on your oxygen mask first.

If you travel much at all, you likely tune out when the flight attendant begins the safety demonstration thinking, “I’ve heard it before….yeah, yeah, seatbelt, nearest exit, oxygen mask.”  I’ve always wondered when those little masks drop from the overhead compartment, how many people will actually follow the directions and put on theirs first before assisting others?

If how well people practice self-care is any indication, not too many.  Most people are quick to take care of everyone else’s needs before they attend to their own.  Do you fill your day up with other people’s commitments and priorities and leave no time for your own?  Do you put your self-care – relaxation, exercise, nutrition – last on the list?  There’s a reason why you put your oxygen mask on first.  It’s a good lesson to keep in mind – take care of you so you can take care of others.

Keep your seatbelt fastened in case of turbulence.

Not to long ago there was an incident where a plane unexpectedly dropped several thousand feet and of course any one not wearing their seatbelt had a rather unpleasant encounter with the ceiling of the plane.  Even though it’s suggested that you keep your seatbelt loosely fastened, many people wait for the seatbelt sign to go off and then unbuckle.  When unexpected turbulence hits, they’re left scrambling to buckle themselves in.

Keeping your seatbelt on is one way to stay grounded in the plane.  If it does get a little bumpy, you’re securely buckled into your seat.  Knowing what keeps you grounded in life is a great way to ride through the rockier times. It might be your spiritual faith, or certain rituals and routines, or conversation with special people. Do you know what keeps you grounded?  Do you practice that regularly or do you wait for tough times?  We never know when uncertain times will hit in life.  Always being connected to what keeps you grounded makes it easier to weather the turbulence no matter how or when it shows up.

What life lessons have you learned from the airplane?