“Where were you when?” moments happen as part of our collective experience. They bring us together as we share joy and sorrow and history in the making.

Your own life has moments etched in time too.

They are the moments or experiences that cause you to stop and take notice, that perhaps change your life path, that also bring you joy and sorrow.

Sometimes we call them pivotal moments or peak experiences.

Things like:

birth

death 

an accomplishment

a unique experience

an insight, AHA or revelation

Just like “where were you when” moments, these experiences connect you to something deeply important within yourself. They remind you of something or highlight its significance. They might show you a theme in your life.

Take some time to think about the peak experiences in your life. 

Consider the ones that had the most impact on you. Try not to judge them. They may be big life events. And sometimes they are moments that on the surface seem quite trivial yet they packed an emotional punch for you.

What emotions did they create?

What core value did they reflect?

What reminder did they cause?

How did they impact on your life?

Please share a comment by clicking on the “Comments” like below.

I’d love to hear what moments are etched in your life time.

Please share a commen

This is day three of the 30 day challenge.

“I should” is one of the worst reasons to do something.

“Because someone else wants me to” is another one.

When creating a new habit, find a meaningful motive for doing it. Find the reason that is closely connected to your heart or your values. This will serve you better when the going gets tough. When you connect this change in your life to something that is meaningful to you, a greater sense of personal responsibility is invoked.

Motives based in ”should” engage all kinds of negative self talk. They poke at our temper tantruming 2 year old self who says, “I don’t wanna.”

It’s also hard to sustain a change when you are being shoved into it by someone else who thinks they know what is best for you. Guilt is never a good motivator. Even if this change is something that is encouraged by those around you, find the reason you are doing it for YOU.

Make a statement of your meaningful motive. Fill in one of these blanks:

Creating this habit reflects my commitment to

or

Creating this habit honours my value of

Having a quiet conversation with yourself to connect with the meaningful motive for this new havit is a key strategy in your success.

Tune in tomorrow for a tip on written commitments.

Post a comment and let us know:

What’s your meaningful motive?

ps

Seems like the email updates are a little pokey getting set out to you. Unfortunately that is out of our control - so know that each day the new tip will be posted in the morning. You can always come to the blog to see the tip if you don’t want to wait for the email update. We’re looking into a better solution.

Once every four years the Olympic games capture our attention. Whether you are a sports fan or not, there’s something about dramatic competition, Cinderella stories and the pursuit of excellence that makes us stop and tune in to events of all kinds.Maybe it’s our appreciation of the dedication and focus required by these athletes to compete on the world stage. Maybe it’s those moments of watching the seemingly impossible unfold. Maybe it’s the knowledge that these individuals are fully engaged in being the best they can be.

citius altius fortius

The Olympic motto citius altius fortius - higher faster stronger - sets the standard for participating in the games and serves as a benchmark for performance.

What if you were in training for a gold medal life?

How would your life change if you played full out?

Imagine what would be possible if chose your best performance every day.

Here’s some ways you can apply these Olympic standards to your life:

Set the bar higher

Mediocrity is a cultural comfort zone. Most people are content in doing just enough to get by. They lose sight of what is really important and make choices based on the path of least resistance. Life gets really busy and “just ok” seems good enough.

It’s easy to not require too much of yourself. In the end you get the life you settle for. If you’re not leading your best life, it’s time to raise the bar for yourself. If you’ve been content with average, reach for above average. If life is good, go for great.

Where do you need to require more of yourself?

In what ways do you let important things slide?

Get to your goals faster

Do you find yourself saying, “I’ll get to that someday”?   Procrastination will never get you to the finish line. We’ve all got our favorite excuses about why we can’t tackle a project, fulfill a dream or take things to the next level.

The clock is going to run out on your life. You just don’t happen to know when that might be.  Making the most of your time is golden. Once today is done you can’t get it back so make choices that leave you feeling satisfied at the end of it.

What have you been putting off for way too long?

How do you let excuses get in the way of your success?

Be stronger in facing your fears

Fear is probably the number one reason why people don’t go after the things they want: fear of failure - or success, fear of what other people will think, fear of stepping out of their comfort zones.

At the end of your life you’ll likely regret the things that you choose not to do out of fear rather than most of the things you did end up doing. Once you decide, fear is not such a formidable opponent.

Where do you let fear become an obstacle to your success?

If fear wasn’t a factor, what would you take on?

The Olympics only happen once every four years. In life, the games are always on. You get to decide how you want to participate. Your gold medal life is waiting for you. Simply summon up your inner athlete and go get it.

What Olympic principles do you play by?

Having just spent a week in New York City I found that that there is no shortage of life lessons highlighted in the Big Apple.

Here are a few of my favourites.

In the midst of noise there is always a quiet center.

Central Park sits as a quiet refuge in the middle of a bustling city.  There you will find 843 acres of walking paths, lakes, ponds and wide open spaces. A place for peaceful relaxation amid the birds and trees. An abundance of green in a concrete city.

You also have a quiet refuge at your core - a place of calm and restoration that you can access anytime, even when everything is swirling around you. The trick is knowing how to tap into it - perhaps through meditation or music or a quiet walk. Once you’ve figured out how to get to your own private central park, it’ll always be waiting for you.

People are only as invisible as you want them to be.

There are two kinds of people I encountered in NYC - those who looked at you and those who didn’t. Tourists and locals alike could be divided into those two groups. Some people could see the homeless man in the park who was as content with a smile as he was with some loose change. Some people acknowledged the doorman or the cop on the beat or the guy handing out leaflets. And some people didn’t have the time.

It’s easy for us to let other people become invisible. When life is hectic and we are wrapped up in our own to do lists, we tend to put our heads down and barrel through the day. At the end of the day though, we’re all looking for a little human contact. Take the time to see the people around you, smile, open a door, say thank you.

Be grateful for the things you take for granted.

I had the extreme privilege of spending a little time with the firefighters of Ladder Company 3. What a great bunch of guys! Thanks especially to Mike and Chris for taking the time to share their NYC stories. Did you know that a firefighter’s basic equipment weighs 110 pounds? Imagine wearing that in the sweltering summer heat while you battle a fire!

There are lots of things that we simply don’t think about. We just assume that they will be there when we need them. Things like clean water from the tap, lights on when we flip the switch, and brave men and women who risk their lives because its part of the job. Consider what you have been taking for granted and say a little prayer of thanks.

You know what they say about NYC - if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. It seems to me if you can get the life lessons there, they work anywhere.

What’s your favourite life lesson?

Ask Laurel…

I know what I should be doing but I just can’t seem to get my act together. How can I get unstuck?

For many people knowing what to do or even how to do it is not what keeps them from achieving their goals. It’s getting started doing something different. People like to collect up all kinds of books and information on a topic - like healthy eating or fitness or finding balance. But somehow they never seem to translate that great information into action.

Do something

If you want to get unstuck, just start by doing something - anything at all. Inertia - a lack of movement - is a big obstacle to creating change. Often we think that we need to have all our ducks in a row before we begin.  Or sometimes the magnitude of a change we’re considering seems overwhelming and so we put it off. Taking the first step, no matter how small, is the way to get some forward momentum. Once you’re moving in the right direction, then you can begin to add in other behaviours and choices.

Start small

Choose something that is easy to do so the commitment doesn’t feel so big. You could take the stairs, or substitute a low fat option or take five minutes of me-time. Commit just for today and then re-commit tomorrow.

Never underestimate the power of one small step. That’s how all great changes started.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?

If I had a nickel for every person who set out to achieve a goal and abandoned it along the way I’d be a very wealth woman. Getting started or sticking with a plan for change is often a challenge. The Ultimate Guide to Motivation is jam packed with great ideas about how to achieve your goal.

Setting yourself up for failure

Typically people jump into an action plan without having spent enough time thinking about “why am I doing this?” Because “I should” or someone else thinks “you should” are rarely good enough reasons to propel you toward your goal. Or doing it for some vague reason like “better health” or “my family” often won’t sustain you through the inevitable tough patches you will encounter. And superficial reasons like “looking super hot at my high school reunion” might get you so far but they likely won’t help you maintain your goal once the reunion has come and gone.

Find a meaningful motive

One key to success is to find a meaningful motive - one that resonates with you at a heart level.  You have to have a reason for doing something and when it comes to change, especially big change, you want that reason to be closely linked to the things that are most important to you. Doing that will help you get through any roadblocks with greater ease.

Listening to your heart

Sometimes it takes a little work to plug into your meaningful motive. You have to look past the first couple of superficial layers to get to what really matters.  What does your heart want? Do you want to get in shape to be able to participate fully in your children’s lives?  Do you want to get your life back in balance to have more and richer time with your partner?  Do you want to de-clutter your house so you have a sacred space to honor yourself?

Taking time for personal reflection helps to connect to your meaningful motive. You’ll know you are getting close when you get a little lump in your throat or are a bit teary eyed. That’s a good sign that you’ve plugged into your heart. Motivation from this place is powerful.

Re-connect daily

Create a vivid picture in your mind or design a vision board so you can see clearly why this change is meaningful - why you are willing to stick with it until you’re successful.

Then as you implement your action plan, revisit that motive daily. In the midst of things, it’s easy to lose sight of why you are doing something. Plugging back in each day helps you keep both your goal and your motive top of mind.

You can have your heart’s desire. Just let your heart help guide the way.

What’s your meaningful motive for change?

Well it’s finally happened.

Life coaching has made it into the mainstream. How do I know? I was in my local bookstore today and came across Life Coaching for Dummies.

Now I’ve never really been a big fan of that series of books. Not that they don’t have some great basic information on a wide variety of topics. It’s just the name that turns me off.

What I know for certain is that life coaching is not for dummies. Far from it. Life coaching is for people who have made a decision that they want something to change in their lives and they’re willing to put in the effort to make it happen. They’ve figured out that life is one very short ride and they want to make the most of it.

My clients are often in search of one or more of these things:

• They are looking for ways to balance work and family without going insane.
• No matter what age they are, they’re not sure what they want to be when they grow up.
• They want to make a difference in the world and feel like their lives count for something.
• Lots of times they just want to learn how to say no.
• They’re feeling stuck and they want to get unstuck and moving forward.
• They are certainly tired of making the same old excuses.

Nothing dumb about any of those desires.

Life Coaching for Dummies suggests that you can become your own life coach. Not a bad idea…and during the past several years as a life coach who’s helped hundreds of people create change here’s what I’ve learned:

If people are able to make changes on their own, they go ahead and do it.

Most of the time though, people need a little help…an objective sounding board, a brainstorming partner, someone who will hold them accountable to have what it is that they want. I like to think of it as life coaching for really smart cookies.

Are you a smart cookie?

If you are, contact me and let’s get started creating want you want.

Yes it’s that time of the year. 

I asked some of my favourite people what their resolutions were for 2008 and here’s what they had to say:

Michele McDougall, CityTV BT host & all round fab chick

As a rule, I do not make resolutions.  I think it’s because I can foresee the guilt that I will be feeling when I don’t follow them.  But I want to have something to be proud of at the end of 2008.  I don’t have a goal to lose pounds,..but I do want to eat better than I did in 2007.  For some reason, I would put off a nutritional lunch because I don’t want to take 10 minutes to dollop cottage cheese on a plate and re-heat noodles.  Oh NO! -The hardship of it all!!!  It was s-o-o much easier to slide a toonie in our chip machine.  But no more!!! 

David Darst, coach extraordinaire

Less resolution with more evolution.

Sue Kenney, modern day pilgrim and author of My Camino

My resolution for 2008 is to be accountable to being creative in my life. I will manifest my intentions as a contribution to the happiness of the universe and I will continue to live the virtues of being a simple pilgrim everyday.

Marc & Craig Kielburger, visionaries and authors of From Me to We

Our resolution is to continue to have shameless idealism. We are a society which does not celebrate idealism and we even tend to downplay the idealistic thoughts to of children, telling them what is “reasonable” or “realistic”. It has always been idealism which has changed the world. We hope 2008 will be the year of the shameless idealist.

What is your focus for 2008?

The odds of successfully maintaining your new year’s resolutions are pretty abysmal - about 75% of people abandon their attempts at change.  So how do you raise your odds for success?

Plan for success.

Most people either have no plan at all or they spend all of their time planning and never get around to taking action.  You know, buying the self-help book but never reading it, shopping for great workout gear but never getting to the gym or stocking up on great organizer bins but never throwing anything out.

Having a plan that considers the strategies you’ll use, how you’ll manage evitable setbacks, and who will support and encourage you, is a critical step in successfully creating change.

Design a realistic goal.

If you are a decade long coach potato it’s not realistic that you will run a marathon in the next few months.  Many people create goals that are way out of their reach.  Then they become discouraged by their slow progress and old habits become comforting.

Setting a goal that is challenging but doable lets you experience success - and success breeds more success.  The marathon will always be there next year.

Create a success circle.

You can’t do it alone.  Most people think that they can tough it out on their own and somehow asking for help makes you seem weak.  Hogwash.

People who are successful at creating change know that surrounding themselves with others who can educate, support, encourage, brainstorm and hold them accountable is a key in achieving their goals.  Asking for help is a sign of commitment.

Have clarity.

Vague goals are tough to achieve because you never really know what you need to do to be successful.  Things like organize my life, improve my relationships, get healthy sound great but could mean a hundred different things.

Set goals that are clear to you and others.  If you’re stuck writing it down with clarity, ask yourself, “What will I be doing differently when I achieve this goal?”

Decide.

People who waffle around are not ready to be successful.  If you are still having the debate with yourself about whether you should or shouldn’t, will or won’t, you are likely still in the contemplation stage of change.  Action does not occur if you are still thinking about it. 

It is the moment when you actually decide that change begins.  When you finally put your feet on the floor and get out of bed to go to the gym, then your goal becomes possible.  Anything becomes possible once you decide.

Think about it this way:

You can be one of the 25% of people who are successful.

Last week in Times Square people had the opportunity to put what they no longer needed into a giant shredder.  What a great way to start the new year!

We have a tendency to hold onto to stuff long after it is useful….clothes that no longer fit, thingamajigs in the kitchen drawer, books we never read, all sorts of stuff that we might maybe possibly need some day.

Even worse we hold on to relationships that aren’t really working, old grievances, hurts and betrayals, bad habits and limiting beliefs.

The problem with old stuff

The problem with keeping things you have out lived is they take up the space that new things might occupy.  We only have so much time and energy.  If you give yours to people, ideas, habits and clutter that don’t enrich your life, you are limiting the time and energy you have for the things that do.

What are you hanging on to that no longer serves you?