Loving the Chaos

I just returned from a few days in Arizona hiking with some friends. The desert sure is a place that holds a lot of wisdom. Here’s some of the life lessons that I was reminded of as we explored the mountains and canyons near Tucson.

Figure out what works.

With an extreme climate and a shortage of water, everything in the desert has to adapt to the environment. Whether its a shallow root system or a clever way to collect water plants in particular learn what works. That’s true for you in life as well. Learn what works for you and let go of the things that don’t. Life becomes seriously out of balance when we try to go at a pace that is too quick, take on more commitments then we can manage, or forget to re-charge, refuel and restore ourselves.

Find a support system.

Part of the reason why things can survive in the desert is that plants and animals depend on each other: palo verde trees act a nurse plants for the saguaro cactus who then provide shelter for birds like kestrels and flickers. Figuring out that we are all part of an interdependent web of connections is important for humans too. It’s also true that you need a group of people who act as your support system. They are the people who cheer you on, brainstorm ideas and give you a kick in the butt when its needed. Find a mutually supportive network and watch how life takes off.

Be mindful of personal space.

There’s a fascinating plant in the desert called the Jumping Cholla. Get a little too close and it will release its prickly spines on you. Keep a respectful distance and you are just fine. We all have our own personal space that, when invaded by others, tends to make us a little prickly. Know where your personal boundaries are and be willing to communicate them to others before you feel crowded. And at the same time be mindful that others have boundaries that might be different from yours.

Take time to look closely.

With a cursory glance its easy to think that the desert is a barren place. Not true! There is a huge biodiversity – you just have to look closely sometimes to see all of the life that is thriving there. In our busy lives its easy to miss what is right in front of you. If you fly through your day from one task to the next without stopping to be present to the moment, you quite likely will miss the hidden beauty and treasures of the day. The big picture great – just remember to also take the time to observe the details.

Try something different.

I’m definitely an ocean girl but exploring the desert landscape was an absolute delight. It’s easy to get stuck in the same old way of doing things. Having a fresh perspective gives you new ideas, new inspiration, new energy. I’ll definitely go back to the desert for some more lessons.

If distracting yourself from important tasks has become a long standing habit, sometimes you just need to try substituting a new habit. Remember that managing distractions is all about being in choice – choosing where you want to put your focus in any given moment.

Here are five ways to help keep your focus on the task at hand:

1. Categorize.

According to Stephen Covey, all activities can be sorted into four categories:

• important and urgent (do it right now)
• important but not urgent (can wait but shouldn’t)
• urgent but not important (driven by a time pressure, often someone else’s)
• not important and not urgent (enough said)

Most people get distracted by the last two types of activities. Before you undertake a task, ask yourself which category it falls into.  Are enough of your important things being taken care of, or are you giving too much time to other stuff?

1. Just begin.

Sometimes you look for distractions because you’re finding it difficult to get started doing something.  Inertia can be challenge – its easier to keep doing something else (watch tv) rather than start something new (take the dog for a walk). The way to overcome inertia is to just begin. Shove yourself into a new activity with a commitment to stick with it for only 15 minutes. Most times that’s enough to get you focused.

1. Watch for your favourite distraction.

Everybody has their favourite way to kill time. Identify your preferred method of procrastination and then be on the lookout for it. When you’re drawn to your favourite distraction, ask yourself whether there is something else that needs your attention instead.

1. Be more accountable.

When you are choosing to procrastinate, be more accountable to yourself and others.  Say out loud: “I’m choosing to do X even though Y would serve me better.”

1. Practice meditation

The goal of meditation is not, as some people think, to “empty your mind.” Meditation helps you to quiet your mind so you can more easily hear your true inner voice. It trains you to notice distractions and let them go. That’s a great skill to learn no matter whether you are meditating or trying to focus on a task.

Some days work seems like a real chore and I come home feeling tired and cranky. How do I leave work at work?

Stress levels in the workplace can sometimes be pretty high, especially in an uncertain economy. When you bring that home, you might as well just sleep at the office.

To make the transition from work easier, try using the commute home as a decompression phase. Imagine as you enter your car (or bus or subway train) that you getting into a transformational chamber. Set an intention that by the time you arrive home, you will have reset your mood and attitude.

Choose music that suits your needs in the moment – to re-energize, to uplift, to let go.

Turn off the talk radio or news.

Focus on your breathing.

Circumstances at work are sometimes out of your control. Making the shift from work to home is a conscious choice to take control in your life where you can.

Post a comment and share your best leaving work at work tip.

And don’t forget to to ask your own “how to” life motivation or strategy question.

Multi-tasking is either the backbone of civilization as we know it, or the scourge of our very souls.”

So says journalist Heidi Stevens in a recent article describing the multi-tasking mania of an Illinois mother.

I’d say it’s not either/or. It’s both.

Somewhere along the line we got the idea that multi-tasking is a good thing. We even began revering people who seemed to be able to do ten things all at once. We began the mantra that multi-tasking is a necessary evil.

Nonsense.

We aren’t designed to give our focus to multiple things at the same time. Oh, sure walking and chewing gum are fine. But when it comes to trying to do something of importance along with one or more other tasks, all that happens is that we do none of them particularly well.

That’s how we find ourselves in a culture that loves mediocrity.

You can not have a meaningful conversation with someone while you are checking your email.

You can not drive safely while texting or putting on your make-up.

You can not listen to how your kids’ or partner’s day went while you’re watching TV.

How do you spend your time? 

One of the reasons why people think they don’t have enough time is that they shove too many unimportant things into one time slot. They don’t give their mindful attention to the task at hand, especially the really important things like connecting with loved ones.

Fold laundry and watch TV – sure. 

Expect someone to share what’s really happening in their world while your attention is diverted – not a chance.

I’d suggest that it’s better to do fewer things well than a bunch of things half heartedly.

Take a stand for single tasking – especially where it matters.

I’m always delighted when the universe sends us little reminders of what matters if we are only willing to stop and take notice.

Last week Barbara Walters interviewed actor Patrick Swayze about the current state of his health. Swayze was diagnosed  last year with pancreatic cancer and many people immediately began shaking their heads and whispering that it was all over for him.

Swayze shared his philosophy on his situation. He said, “We’re all dying.”

That’s exactly the point isn’t it?

It’s so easy to hang out in denial thinking that we have all the time in the world or to assume that someone with a serious illness has less time than we do. Then he declared that each of us only has 2 choices:

get busy living or get busy dying

Last weekend I held a workshop on creating a vision board. One of the participants was an 80 year old woman who had come to create a vision for the next phase of her life. You’ve got to love that spirit!

She shared that it’s easy to look back in your life and think about the things that didn’t go the way you wanted them to or reflect on missed opportunities. She decided that she would rather look forward to what could come next, to reconnect with her senses and to express more gratitude.

I’d say she’s busy living.

What are you busy doing?

Apparently the spiritual crisis continues.

Yesterday a Walmart employee was trampled to death as shoppers broke down the door and stampeded to get holiday bargains. 

What does it mean when people are willing to kill and injure others in order to be the first to grab discounts on stuff?

Okay let’s acknowledge that economic times are tough and people are stressed. Yes AND there’s something bigger at work here.

It seems to me that people are impatient for all the wrong things…

the pizza delivery guy

traffic lights to change

elevators to arrive

the line to go faster

We get agitated when we have to wait for stuff that we want RIGHT NOW but we’re not impatient for things that are far more important.

We don’t tap our foot or look at our watch for….

fulfillment or health

dreams or relationships

love or adventure

peace or abundance.

For things like that we seem to have all the time in the world.

Most people will see that tragic news story and think “That wouldn’t be me.” Let’s hope not. It serves a a good reminder for us all to examine where we are impatient in our own lives.

Where do you cross the line and become irritated about something that’s not all that important?

As the inevitable chaos of the holiday season descends, when you might be feeling overwhelmed or overstretched or overcommitted, stop and ask yourself:

How important is this in the big picture of life?

Best guess is that most of the time you’ll answer, “Not so much.” Then give your head a little shake, take a deep breath and get back to what the holiday season is really about.

Post a comment and share…

What’s most important to you this holiday season?

Sometimes it seems that time is passing so quickly.

I was in a store the other day and there were Christmas items on display. Yikes! We haven’t even gotten to Thanksgiving or Halloween yet!

One of the reasons that time feels like its flying by is that we put our attention and focus on things coming in the future rather than being present to this day.

Did you know there are 100 days left in this year?

That’s a lot of time to accomplish things if you focus on each and every day between now and the year end.

In 100 days you could….

lose as much as 28 pounds (at a healthy 2 pounds a week)

read 7 books (at an average of two weeks per book)

declutter 3 rooms (taking on one room per month)

walk 150 miles (at a leisurely 1.5 miles per day)

Before you know it we will all be singing Auld Lang Syne and thinking about 2009. If you make some conscious choices every day between now and then, not only will time have passed, but you will have some success to show for it.

Starting October 1

you can join my free 30 day challenge.  It’s a great way for you to get started making something positive happen during the last 100 days of this year. More about my 30 day challenge in the next few days.

What could YOU do in 100 days?

Once every four years the Olympic games capture our attention. Whether you are a sports fan or not, there’s something about dramatic competition, Cinderella stories and the pursuit of excellence that makes us stop and tune in to events of all kinds.Maybe it’s our appreciation of the dedication and focus required by these athletes to compete on the world stage. Maybe it’s those moments of watching the seemingly impossible unfold. Maybe it’s the knowledge that these individuals are fully engaged in being the best they can be.

citius altius fortius

The Olympic motto citius altius fortius – higher faster stronger – sets the standard for participating in the games and serves as a benchmark for performance.

What if you were in training for a gold medal life?

How would your life change if you played full out?

Imagine what would be possible if chose your best performance every day.

Here’s some ways you can apply these Olympic standards to your life:

Set the bar higher

Mediocrity is a cultural comfort zone. Most people are content in doing just enough to get by. They lose sight of what is really important and make choices based on the path of least resistance. Life gets really busy and “just ok” seems good enough.

It’s easy to not require too much of yourself. In the end you get the life you settle for. If you’re not leading your best life, it’s time to raise the bar for yourself. If you’ve been content with average, reach for above average. If life is good, go for great.

Where do you need to require more of yourself?

In what ways do you let important things slide?

Get to your goals faster

Do you find yourself saying, “I’ll get to that someday”?   Procrastination will never get you to the finish line. We’ve all got our favorite excuses about why we can’t tackle a project, fulfill a dream or take things to the next level.

The clock is going to run out on your life. You just don’t happen to know when that might be.  Making the most of your time is golden. Once today is done you can’t get it back so make choices that leave you feeling satisfied at the end of it.

What have you been putting off for way too long?

How do you let excuses get in the way of your success?

Be stronger in facing your fears

Fear is probably the number one reason why people don’t go after the things they want: fear of failure – or success, fear of what other people will think, fear of stepping out of their comfort zones.

At the end of your life you’ll likely regret the things that you choose not to do out of fear rather than most of the things you did end up doing. Once you decide, fear is not such a formidable opponent.

Where do you let fear become an obstacle to your success?

If fear wasn’t a factor, what would you take on?

The Olympics only happen once every four years. In life, the games are always on. You get to decide how you want to participate. Your gold medal life is waiting for you. Simply summon up your inner athlete and go get it.

What Olympic principles do you play by?

There’s an old saying that you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with what I call “hot people” – individuals who inspire, challenge and support you.

It’s easy to set the bar low for yourself. Mediocrity is a cultural norm.

I figure you have two choices in life:

half assed or kick ass

Which life you live depends a lot on who you hang out with. Hot people create a playground of rich conversation and joyful abundance where tackling fears and stretching yourself is encouraged and living your dreams is required.

I’m blessed to have lots of hot people in my life. Here’s what some of them are up to:

There’s Nancy, a woman of a certain age and not your typical athlete, who just participated in the Victoria Dragon Boat races to raise money for cancer.

There’s Virginia who has been known to spontaneously hop on a plane and land on my doorstep who is heading off to France for a couple of weeks of whatever adventure awaits her.

There’s Catherine who will be rappelling down the side of a 27 story building in Edmonton on September 8th to raise money for Easter Seals. Go girl.

There’s Gail who is facing a challenging illness with grace and optimism.

There’s Neela, a single parent of two daughters and closet writer, who delights me with thought provoking conversations about moments of revelation and deeper learning.

Pretty good company.

If you want to learn more about how hot people and ideas can set your life on fire, check out my new book Spontaneous Combustion.

What company do you keep?

Post a comment about your hot people.

 No it’s not an exotic plant or some new addition to your yogurt.

It’s a term that was first used by psychologist Eric Fromm to describe human beings’ attraction to all that is alive and vital and later expanded upon by American biologist Edward Wilson as a subconscious attraction towards nature and other living things.

So what does that mean for you?

People are naturally attracted to the outdoors and nature.  We’re hard wired to connect with other living things. That’s cool except when you consider that for many people the closest they get to nature is a breathtaking photo on their screen saver. Most people work indoors, often without a window and then they return home after a long day to spend time in front of the TV.

How much time do you spend outdoors?

We’re been having the most wonderful weather in Edmonton and coupled with a four day holiday weekend I’ve been puttering long hours in my garden. It is truly calming and re-energizing.

When I think about my most restorative places and experiences, they always involve nature and the outdoors…the sounds of the birds in the morning, walking the Tuscan countryside, sitting on the deck at the beach house watching the world float by or tending to the plants in the garden.

Being in tune with nature helps to be more in tune with yourself.

So here’s my challenge.

Go outside right now. Stop what you are doing and take five minutes to nurture your biophilia. Connect with other living things. Think about how you can bring more of nature back into your life.

Then when you come back inside post a comment about your outdoor adventure and we can all share in the natural delight.