Loving the Chaos

My kids are finishing school and planning to leave home. How do I manage the empty nest syndrome?

As a parent it’s natural to feel some twinges as your children grow and leave the home to start their own life adventures. This is a great time for you to focus on what your next life adventure will be. Parents often put their own dreams and passions aside as they concentrate on raising their children. Sometimes you completely lose touch with what those dreams are. Now that you have fewer day to day responsibilities with your kids, you will have more time to explore those things that you may have set aside.

What have you always wanted to do but have not had the time or energy to take on?

What part of yourself would you like to get to know better?

What hobby have you stopped doing or would like to start?

What you focus on increases, so first give yourself a high five for a parenting job well done, then shift your attention to creating something meaningful for you in this next phase of your life.

What’s next for you?

If distracting yourself from important tasks has become a long standing habit, sometimes you just need to try substituting a new habit. Remember that managing distractions is all about being in choice – choosing where you want to put your focus in any given moment.

Here are five ways to help keep your focus on the task at hand:

1. Categorize.

According to Stephen Covey, all activities can be sorted into four categories:

• important and urgent (do it right now)
• important but not urgent (can wait but shouldn’t)
• urgent but not important (driven by a time pressure, often someone else’s)
• not important and not urgent (enough said)

Most people get distracted by the last two types of activities. Before you undertake a task, ask yourself which category it falls into.  Are enough of your important things being taken care of, or are you giving too much time to other stuff?

1. Just begin.

Sometimes you look for distractions because you’re finding it difficult to get started doing something.  Inertia can be challenge – its easier to keep doing something else (watch tv) rather than start something new (take the dog for a walk). The way to overcome inertia is to just begin. Shove yourself into a new activity with a commitment to stick with it for only 15 minutes. Most times that’s enough to get you focused.

1. Watch for your favourite distraction.

Everybody has their favourite way to kill time. Identify your preferred method of procrastination and then be on the lookout for it. When you’re drawn to your favourite distraction, ask yourself whether there is something else that needs your attention instead.

1. Be more accountable.

When you are choosing to procrastinate, be more accountable to yourself and others.  Say out loud: “I’m choosing to do X even though Y would serve me better.”

1. Practice meditation

The goal of meditation is not, as some people think, to “empty your mind.” Meditation helps you to quiet your mind so you can more easily hear your true inner voice. It trains you to notice distractions and let them go. That’s a great skill to learn no matter whether you are meditating or trying to focus on a task.

Some days work seems like a real chore and I come home feeling tired and cranky. How do I leave work at work?

Stress levels in the workplace can sometimes be pretty high, especially in an uncertain economy. When you bring that home, you might as well just sleep at the office.

To make the transition from work easier, try using the commute home as a decompression phase. Imagine as you enter your car (or bus or subway train) that you getting into a transformational chamber. Set an intention that by the time you arrive home, you will have reset your mood and attitude.

Choose music that suits your needs in the moment – to re-energize, to uplift, to let go.

Turn off the talk radio or news.

Focus on your breathing.

Circumstances at work are sometimes out of your control. Making the shift from work to home is a conscious choice to take control in your life where you can.

Post a comment and share your best leaving work at work tip.

And don’t forget to to ask your own “how to” life motivation or strategy question.

Multi-tasking is either the backbone of civilization as we know it, or the scourge of our very souls.”

So says journalist Heidi Stevens in a recent article describing the multi-tasking mania of an Illinois mother.

I’d say it’s not either/or. It’s both.

Somewhere along the line we got the idea that multi-tasking is a good thing. We even began revering people who seemed to be able to do ten things all at once. We began the mantra that multi-tasking is a necessary evil.

Nonsense.

We aren’t designed to give our focus to multiple things at the same time. Oh, sure walking and chewing gum are fine. But when it comes to trying to do something of importance along with one or more other tasks, all that happens is that we do none of them particularly well.

That’s how we find ourselves in a culture that loves mediocrity.

You can not have a meaningful conversation with someone while you are checking your email.

You can not drive safely while texting or putting on your make-up.

You can not listen to how your kids’ or partner’s day went while you’re watching TV.

How do you spend your time? 

One of the reasons why people think they don’t have enough time is that they shove too many unimportant things into one time slot. They don’t give their mindful attention to the task at hand, especially the really important things like connecting with loved ones.

Fold laundry and watch TV – sure. 

Expect someone to share what’s really happening in their world while your attention is diverted – not a chance.

I’d suggest that it’s better to do fewer things well than a bunch of things half heartedly.

Take a stand for single tasking – especially where it matters.

Are you too busy to stop and hear the music?

That’s the question the Washington Post was trying to answer when it tried a little experiment. They set up world class musician Joshua Bell in a subway station at rush hour and then sat back to watch whether any one would take notice.

Take a few minutes to read the whole story and watch some of the video.

Do you take time to notice the beauty that crosses your path each day?

Are you so focused on your to-do list that you fail to see life’s unexpected treasures?

What are you missing?

Today is day 17 of the 30 day challenge.

Today’s tip:

A visual reminder is powerful tool to help you hold your focus and remind you of your meaningful motive. When you post it where you will see it often, it acts like a habit buddy who continually keeps you on track.

As the old saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. Images tend to stay in your mind. A visual reminder could be a photo or a race entry or a dog leash. Choose something that speaks to you and captures the essence of what you’re doing and/or why you’re doing it.

Next place your visual reminder in a prominent place – on your fridge, your bathroom mirror, on the back door, on your car dashboard or your desk.

Feel free to use more than one. If you have posted your “track your progress calendar”, it acts like a visual visual reminder. And it’s okay to change the image or item as you build your habit.

Tune in tomorrow to learn about responsibility.

What image best captures your new habit?

Today is day 16 of the 30 day challenge.

Positive reinforcement goes a long way in keeping your focus.

The temptation though is to hold off on celebrating until you think you are “done.”

Reward yourself now for your accomplishments to this point. You don’t have to wait until day 31 to celebrate.

Treat yourself.

Compliment yourself out loud.

What would  you do at this point to celebrate a friend’s success? Go ahead and do that for yourself.

When you take the time to acknowledge your ongoing success, you contribute to your overall self esteem. You see yourself as someone who is capable of taking on a challenge and sticking with your commitment.

High fives to all of you

Tune in tomorrow for a tip about visual reminders.

How are you celebrating?

Today is day 4 of the 30 day challenge.

Out of sight out of mind.

We write things down that we want to remember.  Whether its your grocery list or an important phone number or appointments on a calendar, we write things down so we won’t forget. With your new habit, it’s not so much that you might forget about it. It’s more that you might become distracted from it.

Making a written commitment, rather than just keeping it in your mind, is a great strategy to both hold your focus and make a written declaration of your priority. Partnered with your meaningful motive, your have a strong anchor to help keep you on track.

At the bottom of your calendar there is a space for writing your new habit. Look at what you have written there. Is it a strong statement of your commitment? If not, write it again using more powerful language such as “I am commited to ….”  Then add your meaningful motive.

Think of your written commitment as your contract with yourself. You are probably very good at honouring your commitments to others. Take the next 26 days and honour your commitment to you.

Tune in tomorrow to find out why timing is everything.

How’s your challenge going?

The 30 day challenge begins tomorrow!

Remember the question I asked yesterday?

What one habit, if you added it consistently into your life, would make a difference in your happiness or health?

That’s the first key step in the 30 day challenge.

Choose ONE habit – not several – to focus your enegy on during the next month. The more new things you try to introduce at the same time, the less effective you will likely be.

Choose something simple that you can do on a daily basis.

If you are trying to create a new habit and you only do something 2  or 3 times a week, its easier to lose momentum. Let’s say you want to create a habit of going to the gym 3 times a week. For the next month, focus on 20 minutes (or whatever is appropriate for you) of physical activity each day – which could include some trips to the gym.

Pick something specific, rather than something vague – eat 3 servings of veggies rather than eat better or 10 minutes of meditation rather than relax more.

Don’t forget to print your 30 day challenge calendar here.  More about tracking your success tomorrow.

My challenge?

Let me introduce you to a dear friend of mine. 

This is Cal, our 11 year old border collie. Used to be that he and I would regularly go for walks. Over the past little while, I’ve let my commitment to him slide. Not for any particularly good reason – just the usual excuses about being busy with other less important “commitments”.  He has an awfully sweet disposition and like most dogs a very forgiving nature. He loves me anyway. So my 30 day challenge is to get back to daily walks with Cal.  

What’s your 30 day challenge habit?

Post a comment and let us know.

Once every four years the Olympic games capture our attention. Whether you are a sports fan or not, there’s something about dramatic competition, Cinderella stories and the pursuit of excellence that makes us stop and tune in to events of all kinds.Maybe it’s our appreciation of the dedication and focus required by these athletes to compete on the world stage. Maybe it’s those moments of watching the seemingly impossible unfold. Maybe it’s the knowledge that these individuals are fully engaged in being the best they can be.

citius altius fortius

The Olympic motto citius altius fortius – higher faster stronger – sets the standard for participating in the games and serves as a benchmark for performance.

What if you were in training for a gold medal life?

How would your life change if you played full out?

Imagine what would be possible if chose your best performance every day.

Here’s some ways you can apply these Olympic standards to your life:

Set the bar higher

Mediocrity is a cultural comfort zone. Most people are content in doing just enough to get by. They lose sight of what is really important and make choices based on the path of least resistance. Life gets really busy and “just ok” seems good enough.

It’s easy to not require too much of yourself. In the end you get the life you settle for. If you’re not leading your best life, it’s time to raise the bar for yourself. If you’ve been content with average, reach for above average. If life is good, go for great.

Where do you need to require more of yourself?

In what ways do you let important things slide?

Get to your goals faster

Do you find yourself saying, “I’ll get to that someday”?   Procrastination will never get you to the finish line. We’ve all got our favorite excuses about why we can’t tackle a project, fulfill a dream or take things to the next level.

The clock is going to run out on your life. You just don’t happen to know when that might be.  Making the most of your time is golden. Once today is done you can’t get it back so make choices that leave you feeling satisfied at the end of it.

What have you been putting off for way too long?

How do you let excuses get in the way of your success?

Be stronger in facing your fears

Fear is probably the number one reason why people don’t go after the things they want: fear of failure – or success, fear of what other people will think, fear of stepping out of their comfort zones.

At the end of your life you’ll likely regret the things that you choose not to do out of fear rather than most of the things you did end up doing. Once you decide, fear is not such a formidable opponent.

Where do you let fear become an obstacle to your success?

If fear wasn’t a factor, what would you take on?

The Olympics only happen once every four years. In life, the games are always on. You get to decide how you want to participate. Your gold medal life is waiting for you. Simply summon up your inner athlete and go get it.

What Olympic principles do you play by?