Loving the Chaos

Most people in North America own a car. They also know that these 2 things are true:

Perform regularly scheduled maintenance and your car will run smoothly.

Wait for the engine light to go on, and you likely will find yourself with a bigger mess than you needed to have.

Everything from checking your oil to taking it in for a tune up helps you to assess how things are going with your car. Sure sometimes you need major work but more often than not, a little adjustment is all that’s required.

When was the last time you did a maintenance check on your life?

If you are like most people, it’s been a while, Perhaps never. Making the time for a life inventory is one of those jobs that can be easy to put off. There are probably 101 more pressing things on your to-do list. But just like your car, if you ignore the simple tune ups, you’ll find yourself with a life that’s not working nearly as well as it could.

Saving time, focus & energy

Many things in your life can be easily fine tuned if you pay attention to them soon enough. When life has become overwhelming, it’s more challenging to find balance. When relationships have broken down, it takes more energy to rebuild them. When finances are out of control, it’s harder to rein them back in. When you are overweight and out of shape, it takes more motivation to get off the couch. Of course you can always make the changes you want. It’s just that the earlier you catch things, the more time, focus and energy you will probably save. That’s time, focus and energy you can then put into something else.

Making the time to complete a life inventory helps you to identify what’s working and what’s not working in your life. Done regularly it can point out where simple changes can help get you back on track before you need a major overhaul. Even if it turns out that there are some serious adjustments to be made, the sooner you take stock and begin making changes, the more likely you will avoid your life stopping working all together.

Ask yourself:

Right now what area of my life is working the best?

Knowing what’s working can provide you with good information you can apply to other areas.

Then ask:

Right now what area of my life is not working the way I would like it to?

Become your own mechanic. Decide what needs to be done to get this area running more smoothly. Now take one step that will get going in the right direction.

Treat your car well and you can put a lot of miles on it. Same is true of life.

Ask Laurel: Somebody told me they think I need a life coach. So what’s a life coach and why would I want one?

Life coaching is one of the fastest growing segments of the personal development industry but people are still confused about what a life coach does. A life coach is NOT your therapist, your mother or your BFF. You probably already have one or more of those already. A life coach works with you to clarify what you want to change in your life and then helps you create an action plan to make it happen. Many people want to make changes but feel stuck or uncertain about how to get started. They can’t quite see the forest for the trees. Sometimes they need new strategies, a boost of confidence or some motivation. And sometimes they need an objective partner to help keep them accountable. Individuals who want to be at the top of their game, whether they are athletes, executives or ordinary every day people, know that partnering with a coach is one of the smartest choices they can make.

Stone Circle coaching offers a variety of  individual, group and home study programs to help you live your best life.

I have the great good fortune to have many people in my life who provide me with a sometimes needed cosmic kick in the butt. The latest little jolt came from

my friend and colleague Tony Barton who has finally ventured into the world of video blogging after procrastinating about it for some time. In his last newsletter he posed this question:

What if, like me, you stopped making up excuses and just got on with it?

That’s a simultaneously annoying and empowering question, isn’t it?

When someone asks that question, you usually feel the need to justify your inaction. Your first response is likely a flood of “yes, but” answers. Something along the lines of….

They’re not excuses, they’re reasons.

I do want to do this but I don’t have the time, or money, or energy, or fill in the blank.

I am going to do this as soon as I have enough information, or motivation, or skills, or fill in the blank.

But when it gets right down to it, if you really want to do something you have to let go of all of the excuses that have been holding you back. You need to shift from an “I can’t because” attitude to a “How can I?” one.

The empowering part of this question is all about the “What if?” part.

Imagine if you actually just got on with it.

What would become possible?

How would things change?

What new opportunities would open up?

Ever since Tony’s newsletter arrived I’ve been pondering  the things I need to just get on with. Definitely think there are a few excuses that could get kicked out.

What are you making excuses about?

This month’s 10 in 2010 challenge is to Unplug More.

Here’s the simple change to make:

turn off your cell phone & TV during meals

If this month’s challenge is causing you to hyperventilate a bit, keep reading and I’ll give you an alternative later on.

Why would you want to unplug more?

You’ll be more present to mealtimes & eating.

You’ll have a greater opportunity for conversation & connection.

You’ll give yourself a break from constant demands & interruptions.

Here are the rather sad statistics:

The average person watches 4 hours & 49 minutes of television per day.

The average person spends 6 hours & 9 minutes on social networking sites like facebook and twitter per month.

And in our multi-tasking world some people they spend some part of their day watching TV and on the internet simultaneously.

According to a United Nations report, the number of cell phone subscriptions throughout the world has quadrupled, from 1 billion in 2002 to 4.1 billion by December 2008. No wonder everyone is constantly on the phone.

This month’s challenge is really about creating a boundary that can actually help you achieve other goals. More about that next week.

And…

if unplugging at mealtimes seems to big a stretch, then ease into it and unplug for one meal a day. You can expand to include the other meals as the month progresses.

Go ahead & take the challenge – you might be pleasantly surprised at what you discover.

Post a comment & let us know if you are up for the challenge.

 PS  Remember you can always find all of the previous 10 in 2010 tips located in the 10 in 2010 category on the right hand side.

Before you decide where you want to go, it’s usually a good idea to figure out where you are.

Here’s a little quiz.

Answer yes or no to the following questions:

1.   Are you well rested?
2.   Do you get adequate exercise?
3.   Do you practice random acts of kindness?
4.   Do you live within your financial means?
5.   Are you living clutter free?
6.   Do you limit your electronic devices?
7.   Are you an optimist?
8.   Do you manage stress well?
9.   Do you eat a moderate and balanced diet?
10.   Do you take time for personal reflection?

How did you do?

If you answered no to any – or all – of the questions, the 10 in 2010 challenge just might help you begin to create some simple habits that will move you closer to a less stressed, more healthy and happy life.

Starting next week, we’ll focus on some simple changes related to the quiz items. Remember small steps taken consistently create change.

Here’s how you can get started:

I encourage you to keep a notebook or journal about your 10 in 2010 journey. Start by writing down your answers to the quiz and any thoughts that pop up related to it. You’ll want to review this when we get to the end of the year to see what’s changed for you.

Let’s get a conversation started. Post a comment and share your thoughts about the quiz.

PS

Remember you can always find all of the previous 10 in 2010 tips  located in the 10 in 2010 category on the right hand side.

If distracting yourself from important tasks has become a long standing habit, sometimes you just need to try substituting a new habit. Remember that managing distractions is all about being in choice – choosing where you want to put your focus in any given moment.

Here are five ways to help keep your focus on the task at hand:

1. Categorize.

According to Stephen Covey, all activities can be sorted into four categories:

• important and urgent (do it right now)
• important but not urgent (can wait but shouldn’t)
• urgent but not important (driven by a time pressure, often someone else’s)
• not important and not urgent (enough said)

Most people get distracted by the last two types of activities. Before you undertake a task, ask yourself which category it falls into.  Are enough of your important things being taken care of, or are you giving too much time to other stuff?

1. Just begin.

Sometimes you look for distractions because you’re finding it difficult to get started doing something.  Inertia can be challenge – its easier to keep doing something else (watch tv) rather than start something new (take the dog for a walk). The way to overcome inertia is to just begin. Shove yourself into a new activity with a commitment to stick with it for only 15 minutes. Most times that’s enough to get you focused.

1. Watch for your favourite distraction.

Everybody has their favourite way to kill time. Identify your preferred method of procrastination and then be on the lookout for it. When you’re drawn to your favourite distraction, ask yourself whether there is something else that needs your attention instead.

1. Be more accountable.

When you are choosing to procrastinate, be more accountable to yourself and others.  Say out loud: “I’m choosing to do X even though Y would serve me better.”

1. Practice meditation

The goal of meditation is not, as some people think, to “empty your mind.” Meditation helps you to quiet your mind so you can more easily hear your true inner voice. It trains you to notice distractions and let them go. That’s a great skill to learn no matter whether you are meditating or trying to focus on a task.

Ask Laurel…Every January I make a New Year’s resolution and by February it’s fallen by the wayside. How do I stay on track with my goal?

It’s inevitable at this time of year for people to start talking about New Year’s resolutions. Some people make the same one year after year. Some people staunchly delcare, “I don’t do resolutions.” And some people think about it and then never take any action.

New Year’s resolutions have gotten a bad reputation.

That’s because when you  say you’re going to do something and then you don’t, you start to feel really bad. You begin to doubt your own credibility. And if you’re someone who makes a public statement and then doesn’t follow through, everyone thinks “Yeah yeah, heard that one before.”

There’s nothing wrong with making a New Year’s resolution. 

Here are 2 things to keep in mind when you do. First, the start of a new year gives the sense of a clean slate so it’s natural to think about change at that time. However, there’s nothing magical about January 1^st that automatically will lead to your success. Setting a new goal requires thought and commitment. Making a declaration at a party on New Year’s Eve or at the urging of someone else is not a great jumping off point for change.

Plan more 

Secondly, many New Year’s resolutions are made without sufficient planning. Even with a mindset of determination, being successful with a goal takes planning: both what you will do and how you will manage the inevitable obstacles that pop up along the way. Consider what’s reasonable to accomplish given your starting point. As you experience success you can always set the bar higher or take the next step.

Successful people also excel at Plan B. Think ahead about the kinds of set backs you might encounter and consider how you will tackle them. Then when they show up, you’re better prepared to manage them.

Kick Start the year 

If you’re looking for a way to get the New Year off to a great start, join me for the Kick Start 2009 teleclass on January 8th. Read more here.

You can also check out the 30 Day Challenge on the right side of the page under Categories. It’s a great way to begin creating a habit that sticks. Start at Day One and then come back each day for the next tip.

What is your resolution for 2009?

Today is day 23 of the 30 day challenge.

It’s natural to have a few slips along the way to creating your new habit. You know how it goes: you take an escape hatch and then follow it with an”I don’t wanna” day.

What you want to guard against is letting a little slip in commitment turn into a full blown backslide..

How do you know you’re heading for a backslide?

Well you probably know because your internal chatter about whether you “should or shouldn’t” gets a little louder. If you miss 3 days in a row without a REALLY good reason like illness or family crisis, then you are likely headed straight down hill.

Catch yourself on day 2 of your slip and recommit to getting back to your habit the next day.

Even if you find that you have been backsliding for several days, stop yourself and get back on track. Don’t let your hard work disappear. A backslide of 6 days beats a permanent one every time.

Tune in tomorrow for a reality check.

Are you slipping and sliding?

Today is day 21 of the 30 day challenge.

So here you are! More than two thirds of the way through the challenge. What successes are your experiencing? Where are you stuck? Remember to post a comment and share your journey.

Today’s tip:

Do you find yourself thinking that things have to be a certain way?

Do you lean towards the idea that making progress in the challenge means that there’s one right way?

This kind of black and white thinking doesn’t get you very far. When you hold an “all or nothing” mindset, you ultimately set yourself up for failure.  

Think in shades of grey instead.

Find the important middle ground. Be less rigid in how or when you must complete your habit. Remember that Plan B is the key to long term success. Life and lifelong habits are rarely black & white, all or nothing.

Tune in tomorrow…unless you’re having an “I don’t wanna” moment.

What shades of grey do you need to remember?

Today is day 20 of the 30 day challenge.

Today’s tip:

Another strategy to keep focused on your new habit is to make a list of the benefits you will experience when you have settled into a regular routine.

Here’s a simple way to make this list:

Imagine your new habit as a comfortable and usual part of your day. Consider what the benefits will be with this habit in your life. Now create a “more of this” and “less of that” list.

What will you be experiencing more of?

Perhaps you will have more energy or clarity or calm or contentment.

What will you be experiencing less of?

Perhaps you will have less stress or mindlessness or fatigue or clutter.

You don’t have to write your list all at once. Come back to it over a few days as the hidden benefits reveal themselves to you. You can also post your “more & less list” as a visual reminder.

Tune in tomorrow to learn about the shades of grey.

What are your more or less benefits?