Loving the Chaos

“Where were you when?” moments happen as part of our collective experience. They bring us together as we share joy and sorrow and history in the making.

Your own life has moments etched in time too.

They are the moments or experiences that cause you to stop and take notice, that perhaps change your life path, that also bring you joy and sorrow.

Sometimes we call them pivotal moments or peak experiences.

Things like:

birth

death 

an accomplishment

a unique experience

an insight, AHA or revelation

Just like “where were you when” moments, these experiences connect you to something deeply important within yourself. They remind you of something or highlight its significance. They might show you a theme in your life.

Take some time to think about the peak experiences in your life. 

Consider the ones that had the most impact on you. Try not to judge them. They may be big life events. And sometimes they are moments that on the surface seem quite trivial yet they packed an emotional punch for you.

What emotions did they create?

What core value did they reflect?

What reminder did they cause?

How did they impact on your life?

Please share a comment by clicking on the “Comments” like below.

I’d love to hear what moments are etched in your life time.

Please share a commen

Today is day 15 of the 30 day challenge.

Well here we are - half way through! Welcome to anyone who has recently joined the challenge. It’s never too late to get started on a new habit.

Today’s tip:

Reinforce your commitment by making a PDA - no not a public display of affection. I’m talking about a public display of ACTION.

Making a bold statement publically about your new habit is a great way to increase your accountability. Sometimes you shy away from doing this because you’re afraid that your old self will show up - the one that makes commitments to yourself and then let’s you down. You might even have decided that you didn’t want to post your 30 calendar in a prominent place because someone might see it.

Now at the halfway point is a great time to make a public commitment if you haven’t already done so. Tell someone - or lots of people - about your new habit and the actions you have been taking in the past couple of weeks. Success comes from trusting yourself that you can keep your commitments. Remember you’re not striving for perfection - just improvement. You CAN do this.

If you’ve been participating in the challenge but haven’t yet posted a comment - do it now.

We’re all here to support YOUR success.

Tune in tomorrow for a celebration.

What would you like to share?

Today is day 4 of the 30 day challenge.

Out of sight out of mind.

We write things down that we want to remember.  Whether its your grocery list or an important phone number or appointments on a calendar, we write things down so we won’t forget. With your new habit, it’s not so much that you might forget about it. It’s more that you might become distracted from it.

Making a written commitment, rather than just keeping it in your mind, is a great strategy to both hold your focus and make a written declaration of your priority. Partnered with your meaningful motive, your have a strong anchor to help keep you on track.

At the bottom of your calendar there is a space for writing your new habit. Look at what you have written there. Is it a strong statement of your commitment? If not, write it again using more powerful language such as “I am commited to ….”  Then add your meaningful motive.

Think of your written commitment as your contract with yourself. You are probably very good at honouring your commitments to others. Take the next 26 days and honour your commitment to you.

Tune in tomorrow to find out why timing is everything.

How’s your challenge going?

Once every four years the Olympic games capture our attention. Whether you are a sports fan or not, there’s something about dramatic competition, Cinderella stories and the pursuit of excellence that makes us stop and tune in to events of all kinds.Maybe it’s our appreciation of the dedication and focus required by these athletes to compete on the world stage. Maybe it’s those moments of watching the seemingly impossible unfold. Maybe it’s the knowledge that these individuals are fully engaged in being the best they can be.

citius altius fortius

The Olympic motto citius altius fortius - higher faster stronger - sets the standard for participating in the games and serves as a benchmark for performance.

What if you were in training for a gold medal life?

How would your life change if you played full out?

Imagine what would be possible if chose your best performance every day.

Here’s some ways you can apply these Olympic standards to your life:

Set the bar higher

Mediocrity is a cultural comfort zone. Most people are content in doing just enough to get by. They lose sight of what is really important and make choices based on the path of least resistance. Life gets really busy and “just ok” seems good enough.

It’s easy to not require too much of yourself. In the end you get the life you settle for. If you’re not leading your best life, it’s time to raise the bar for yourself. If you’ve been content with average, reach for above average. If life is good, go for great.

Where do you need to require more of yourself?

In what ways do you let important things slide?

Get to your goals faster

Do you find yourself saying, “I’ll get to that someday”?   Procrastination will never get you to the finish line. We’ve all got our favorite excuses about why we can’t tackle a project, fulfill a dream or take things to the next level.

The clock is going to run out on your life. You just don’t happen to know when that might be.  Making the most of your time is golden. Once today is done you can’t get it back so make choices that leave you feeling satisfied at the end of it.

What have you been putting off for way too long?

How do you let excuses get in the way of your success?

Be stronger in facing your fears

Fear is probably the number one reason why people don’t go after the things they want: fear of failure - or success, fear of what other people will think, fear of stepping out of their comfort zones.

At the end of your life you’ll likely regret the things that you choose not to do out of fear rather than most of the things you did end up doing. Once you decide, fear is not such a formidable opponent.

Where do you let fear become an obstacle to your success?

If fear wasn’t a factor, what would you take on?

The Olympics only happen once every four years. In life, the games are always on. You get to decide how you want to participate. Your gold medal life is waiting for you. Simply summon up your inner athlete and go get it.

What Olympic principles do you play by?

 No it’s not an exotic plant or some new addition to your yogurt.

It’s a term that was first used by psychologist Eric Fromm to describe human beings’ attraction to all that is alive and vital and later expanded upon by American biologist Edward Wilson as a subconscious attraction towards nature and other living things.

So what does that mean for you?

People are naturally attracted to the outdoors and nature.  We’re hard wired to connect with other living things. That’s cool except when you consider that for many people the closest they get to nature is a breathtaking photo on their screen saver. Most people work indoors, often without a window and then they return home after a long day to spend time in front of the TV.

How much time do you spend outdoors?

We’re been having the most wonderful weather in Edmonton and coupled with a four day holiday weekend I’ve been puttering long hours in my garden. It is truly calming and re-energizing.

When I think about my most restorative places and experiences, they always involve nature and the outdoors…the sounds of the birds in the morning, walking the Tuscan countryside, sitting on the deck at the beach house watching the world float by or tending to the plants in the garden.

Being in tune with nature helps to be more in tune with yourself.

So here’s my challenge.

Go outside right now. Stop what you are doing and take five minutes to nurture your biophilia. Connect with other living things. Think about how you can bring more of nature back into your life.

Then when you come back inside post a comment about your outdoor adventure and we can all share in the natural delight.

Is it just me or have we all been time warped back to junior high school?

I love journalist Misty Harris because she often writes about the more curious aspects of our culture. Her latest article is about a new online community open only to “beautiful people.”  Apparently they have a “strict ban on ugliness.”

On the website there is a disclaimer that you need a good photo because your appearance will determine whether existing members will vote you in. I wonder who voted in the first group of people?  

Back to junior high 

Doesn’t this sound a whole lot like junior high school when people were sorted by a random few into the “in crowd.” You either made the cut or you didn’t - usually based on some highly subjective and most definitely superficial basis. For most of us we outgrew this by the time we left high school. We realized that there is a whole lot more to people than hairstyles, labels, flat abs and high cheekbones.

This beautiful people website describes itself as being for “people who stand out from the majority because of their attractive appearance and personal qualities.” Since the initial sorting of who is in and who is out is based entirely on what quite likely is an airbrushed digitally enhanced photo, I’m guessing we know at least a bit about the personal qualities of the people who subscribe. I’m curious about who actually wants to be part of this group.

Beauty in the eye of the beholder 

The thing about beauty is it’s rather subjective. Who I think is hot - or not - might completely clash with someone else’s version of who is attractive.  Not wanting to anger millions of Tom Cruise fans but for me he’s too much of a pretty boy. Same for Matthew McConaughey. I more of a Johnny Depp girl myself.  Donald Trump once declared that he didn’t find Angelina Jolie attractive. Millions would disagree.

I’ve known some absolutely gorgeous guys that were quite frankly toads and some guys that most likely wouldn’t have made the cut on this website who were absolute princes. In the end what makes someone truly attractive at a deep level goes far past physical appearance.

If you start a club, you get to set the rules about who is let into the clubhouse. I think what bugs me about this website is that it pokes at our deepest fears of inadequacy:

“Am I enough?” 

Apparently nine out of ten of us are not beautiful enough for this group.

Maybe I’ll start my own club. Maybe I’ll call it “Enough already!” Leave a comment if you want the secret handshake.

If I had a nickel for every person who set out to achieve a goal and abandoned it along the way I’d be a very wealth woman. Getting started or sticking with a plan for change is often a challenge. The Ultimate Guide to Motivation is jam packed with great ideas about how to achieve your goal.

Setting yourself up for failure

Typically people jump into an action plan without having spent enough time thinking about “why am I doing this?” Because “I should” or someone else thinks “you should” are rarely good enough reasons to propel you toward your goal. Or doing it for some vague reason like “better health” or “my family” often won’t sustain you through the inevitable tough patches you will encounter. And superficial reasons like “looking super hot at my high school reunion” might get you so far but they likely won’t help you maintain your goal once the reunion has come and gone.

Find a meaningful motive

One key to success is to find a meaningful motive - one that resonates with you at a heart level.  You have to have a reason for doing something and when it comes to change, especially big change, you want that reason to be closely linked to the things that are most important to you. Doing that will help you get through any roadblocks with greater ease.

Listening to your heart

Sometimes it takes a little work to plug into your meaningful motive. You have to look past the first couple of superficial layers to get to what really matters.  What does your heart want? Do you want to get in shape to be able to participate fully in your children’s lives?  Do you want to get your life back in balance to have more and richer time with your partner?  Do you want to de-clutter your house so you have a sacred space to honor yourself?

Taking time for personal reflection helps to connect to your meaningful motive. You’ll know you are getting close when you get a little lump in your throat or are a bit teary eyed. That’s a good sign that you’ve plugged into your heart. Motivation from this place is powerful.

Re-connect daily

Create a vivid picture in your mind or design a vision board so you can see clearly why this change is meaningful - why you are willing to stick with it until you’re successful.

Then as you implement your action plan, revisit that motive daily. In the midst of things, it’s easy to lose sight of why you are doing something. Plugging back in each day helps you keep both your goal and your motive top of mind.

You can have your heart’s desire. Just let your heart help guide the way.

What’s your meaningful motive for change?

Apparently the latest trend in devaluing each other is called bodysnarking - using social networking and blogs to criticize people’s appearances. An article in today’s Edmonton Journal by Misty Harris describes this newest on-line trend.

Well there’s nothing new about this except the venue.

Women have been making critical judgments about other women for ages. If we’re really honest, we’ll actually admit it. We do it out loud or with looks or in whispers. And overtly or covertly we vote that they don’t quite measure up to some standard we have.

A long way to go 

We’re living in a time when a woman was actually a viable candidate for president of the United States.  We might have come a long way baby in some areas but when it comes to how we treat other women and ourselves we’ve still got a long way to go.

I recently surveyed my wonderful stone circle community and guess what? More than half of them said they wanted to discover their real self and learn how to love themselves more. Oh yeah - and lose weight. In a chaotic world with competing priorities and little me-time, women feel disconnected from their authentic selves and are dissatisfied with their bodies regardless of what they look like.

As a culture we are addicted to TV programming like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars and America’s Got Talent - programs that invite us to sit in judgment of other people - particularly in those early audition rounds.

Somewhere along the line it became ok to criticize in unflattering ways how good people are or what they are wearing or whether their abs are flat enough or if their breasts are perky. And even if you are one of the small minority who doesn’t on some level participate in that sniping at others, I’ll bet you routinely snipe at yourself - out loud or in the mirror as your own internal critic.

One woman in the article even goes so far as posting negative comments about herself on Facebook as a way to beat others to the punch. She says she bodysnarks herself so other people will see she doesn’t take it that seriously.

Here’s a thought.

If we all really didn’t take nasty criticism that seriously it wouldn’t get any of our time and energy.

Perhaps what we need to take seriously is remembering that our physical selves are just the package - pretty or otherwise - that our spiritual self resides in. Bodysnarking is just another way to be disrespectful - of yourself and others.

Here’s a challenge.

For the next week notice all the people that you make judgments about - including yourself. Really pay attention.

Wouldn’t it be delightful if we fell in love with ourselves warts and all?

Wouldn’t the world be a lovelier place if you saw other people from the inside out rather than just the outside?

If there was ever a time for a women’s movement, it’s now. And it has nothing to do with equal pay or glass ceilings.

Want to join?

Tales from my Italian adventure

It’s amazing the judgments we catch ourselves making. Who would have thought that a butcher in a small Tuscan town was actually a renaissance man?

After a long hike through the Tuscan countryside our group ended up at Antica Macelleria Cecchini in the village of Panzano for a pre-arranged dinner with Dario Cecchini. He’s a fifth generation butcher whose family has owned their shop for more than 250 years.

Dario shared with us his philosophy of treating all things with equal respect. He explained that we tend to assign higher value to certain cuts of meat which means that other ones are then considered less worthy. Dario challenged us to consider the inherent value in everything, to treat all the parts of the animal with the same degree of respect. To entertain the idea that simply because something might take more of our time and energy does not diminish its worth.

So we feasted on a meal made from the cow’s knees and shin - a meal that required several hours of preparation to create the tender dishes we enjoyed. Good conversation, fine wine, and to top it all off, at the end of the evening Dario jumped on the table and recited by heart a canto of Dante’s Inferno. Splendid in its original Italian, the impromptu performance moved everyone with its passion.

Food for thought

How many times do we go through our day voting that “this” is better than “that” or giving less time and attention to things that we have decided are less valuable? 

How quickly do we dismiss this based on some pre-conceived idea?

How often do we limit ourselves because we have created a hierarchy for people and experiences?

How frequently in our super speed world do we choose quick and easy out of habit without weighing the option of slower?

Delicacies in the tuscan countryside 

Dario left me some tasty food for thought. His challenge to treat everything with equal respect has remained with me like a satisfying meal. I find myself stopping to consider what hierarchy I’m unconsciously creating or which way I’m voting at any given time. You never know what delicacies you’ll find in the Tuscan countryside.

What judgments are you unconsciously making?

Retreats are a great way to take a vacation from schedules and commitments and to participate in activities that allow you to re-connect with the best parts of yourself. Taking the time for a personal retreat allows you the opportunity to re-energize, reflect and relax.  A retreat is different from a holiday. It’s a series of semi-structured activities that are designed for you to connect with yourself outside of your typical routines.

Do it yourself

Sometimes one of the biggest obstacles to retreating can be the cost of attending an organized event. No problem! You can design your own “do it yourself” retreat. With the summer weather upon us, now is the perfect time. Your personal retreat can be any length; if this is the first time you are planning a personal retreat, a single day is a great way to start.

Here are five ways to help you plan a low cost retreat:

1.  Commit.

The first step in planning any retreat, regardless of cost, is making a commitment to doing it. There are lots of excuses that can get in the way of you taking some personal time. You first have to give yourself permission to be “all about me” for a day. That might require you to create a perspective that supports your self nurturing, for example:

• When I care for myself I am better able to care for others.
• Personal growth is a cornerstone of my life journey.
• I encourage others’ independence when I take time for myself.

The bottom line is when you nurture yourself, you have a richer contribution to give to the world.  It’s a win-win for everyone. 

2.  Arrange.

Make arrangements to create a free day for yourself.

• Take a day off work and plan your retreat around school hours.

• Trade child care with a friend - she probably could use a retreat too!
• If taking a day off work is not an option, schedule your retreat for a Saturday or Sunday.
• Trade time with your partner. He or she would probably like to have a day to him/herself whether it’s for retreating or something else.
• Don’t think you have to take care of all the details. Nothing bad will happen if the kids eat cereal for dinner.

3.  Choose.

Choose where you would like to have your retreat. It might be in your own home if it’s possible to not have the distractions of other people or commitments. Turn off your cell phone and computer. Don’t answer the door. Leave the laundry and dishes to another day - or tidy up the space the night before.

You might consider locations outside your home such as a park or natural area. Many communities have retreat facilities that are connected to churches. Often you can rent a room for a private retreat for a day or weekend at a nominal cost even if you are not affiliated with the church. Many yoga studios also host one day retreats that are inexpensive.

4.  Plan.

Research some reflection activities using the internet, browsing a bookstore or the library. Choose a couple that appeal to you. Think of other activities that re-energize you - yoga, walking, meditation, art. Then write a schedule of activities that you want to include in your day. You’ll feel that there is a structure and purpose to your retreat. And allow yourself flexibility in adjusting the schedule as the day unfolds.

As you are feeding your soul, you also have to feed your body. Think about the food you want to eat. Consider lighter meals. Food preparation can be done ahead or as a part of your retreat activities.

5. Save.

Start a “retreat fund” and put some money away each week. Ten dollars per week into a jar will amount to $520 at the end of a year. This will give you some cash to attend retreat opportunities that might pop up. Sometimes when you see a great retreat advertised you don’t have the funds to attend. Planning ahead for a retreat in the future - even if you don’t know what it is yet - gives you lots of flexibility to respond when something appeals to you.

What “do it yourself” retreat ideas do you have?