Loving the Chaos

My kids are finishing school and planning to leave home. How do I manage the empty nest syndrome?

As a parent it’s natural to feel some twinges as your children grow and leave the home to start their own life adventures. This is a great time for you to focus on what your next life adventure will be. Parents often put their own dreams and passions aside as they concentrate on raising their children. Sometimes you completely lose touch with what those dreams are. Now that you have fewer day to day responsibilities with your kids, you will have more time to explore those things that you may have set aside.

What have you always wanted to do but have not had the time or energy to take on?

What part of yourself would you like to get to know better?

What hobby have you stopped doing or would like to start?

What you focus on increases, so first give yourself a high five for a parenting job well done, then shift your attention to creating something meaningful for you in this next phase of your life.

What’s next for you?

There’s a new radio station in Edmonton with this slogan:

Life’s good. Sing along!

Now they are a jazz/pop/retro station that is easy to sing along to, particularly if you are of a certain vintage, myself included.

But I think they are on to something bigger.

Life IS good if that’s your outlook.

Life’s good no matter what is happening. And singing along with life is a darn good way to go through your day. Oh sure, you can do the chorus of “Woe is Me” by Poor Little Whiny Guy but that’s not a tune you can dance to.

Mondays are quote day at loving the chaos so here’s another one from Zen Buddhist teacher Taissen Deshimaru:

If you are not happy here and now, you never will be.

Sounds like it could be the lyrics to a song.

Leave a comment and let us know…

What’s your personal theme song?

It’s about now that people’s commitment to their New Year’s resolutions begins to wane. Before you know it that bounce in your step has been traded for one more hit of the snooze button. Sometimes that happens because you have taken on way too much like planning to go from couch potato to marathon runner in 8 weeks or less.

Small changes done consistently day in and day out lead to big success.

If your resolve to make a change this year is starting to slip, now’s the time to refocus.

Ask yourself some powerful questions about what you want to achieve in 2009. These are great questions to consider in quiet reflection or in conversation with your partner, friends or family.

Get clear about what you want to happen this year and then start with something simple.

What word best captures your focus for 2009?

In spite of your best efforts, do you find yourself sometimes getting stuck in the gloom & doom?

Having a little cranky spell?

Indulging in a pity party with too much whine?

That’s natural.

All you need is a little shift in perspective.

Watch this little video and you are guaranteed to smile…or giggle..or outright laugh.

Bookmark this and use it when it’s time for a shift.

One of the highlights of my recent trip to Montreal to attend the International Coach Federation conference was the opportunity to hear in person Matthieu Ricard speak on the subject of happiness. He’s a French scientist who became a Buddhist monk who now does research on the nature of happiness. Here’s one of the things he discovered:

You can learn to be more happy.

Matthieu asks if we spend so much of our time developing a wide variety of skills in life, why do we spend so little on developing our minds. His fascinating research on experienced meditators reveals that happiness is indeed a skill that can be cultivated.

He suggests that happiness is a result of our inner circumstances not a reflection of our outer circumstances. Sounds a lot like the wisdom my grandmother shared with me:

Happiness is not dependent on your circumstances but rather what you do with them.

I had the great fortune to chat with Matthieu briefly following his talk and shared my grandmother’s philosophy with him. In his characteristically charming way, he laughed and agreed that we all have wisdom not just Buddhist monks.

Treat yourself to a new perspective on happiness by watching this 20 minute video.

Post a comment and share your philosophy on happiness.

“Where were you when?” moments happen as part of our collective experience. They bring us together as we share joy and sorrow and history in the making.

Your own life has moments etched in time too.

They are the moments or experiences that cause you to stop and take notice, that perhaps change your life path, that also bring you joy and sorrow.

Sometimes we call them pivotal moments or peak experiences.

Things like:

birth

death 

an accomplishment

a unique experience

an insight, AHA or revelation

Just like “where were you when” moments, these experiences connect you to something deeply important within yourself. They remind you of something or highlight its significance. They might show you a theme in your life.

Take some time to think about the peak experiences in your life. 

Consider the ones that had the most impact on you. Try not to judge them. They may be big life events. And sometimes they are moments that on the surface seem quite trivial yet they packed an emotional punch for you.

What emotions did they create?

What core value did they reflect?

What reminder did they cause?

How did they impact on your life?

Please share a comment by clicking on the “Comments” like below.

I’d love to hear what moments are etched in your life time.

Please share a commen

Today is day 15 of the 30 day challenge.

Well here we are – half way through! Welcome to anyone who has recently joined the challenge. It’s never too late to get started on a new habit.

Today’s tip:

Reinforce your commitment by making a PDA – no not a public display of affection. I’m talking about a public display of ACTION.

Making a bold statement publically about your new habit is a great way to increase your accountability. Sometimes you shy away from doing this because you’re afraid that your old self will show up – the one that makes commitments to yourself and then let’s you down. You might even have decided that you didn’t want to post your 30 calendar in a prominent place because someone might see it.

Now at the halfway point is a great time to make a public commitment if you haven’t already done so. Tell someone – or lots of people – about your new habit and the actions you have been taking in the past couple of weeks. Success comes from trusting yourself that you can keep your commitments. Remember you’re not striving for perfection – just improvement. You CAN do this.

If you’ve been participating in the challenge but haven’t yet posted a comment – do it now.

We’re all here to support YOUR success.

Tune in tomorrow for a celebration.

What would you like to share?

Today is day 4 of the 30 day challenge.

Out of sight out of mind.

We write things down that we want to remember.  Whether its your grocery list or an important phone number or appointments on a calendar, we write things down so we won’t forget. With your new habit, it’s not so much that you might forget about it. It’s more that you might become distracted from it.

Making a written commitment, rather than just keeping it in your mind, is a great strategy to both hold your focus and make a written declaration of your priority. Partnered with your meaningful motive, your have a strong anchor to help keep you on track.

At the bottom of your calendar there is a space for writing your new habit. Look at what you have written there. Is it a strong statement of your commitment? If not, write it again using more powerful language such as “I am commited to ….”  Then add your meaningful motive.

Think of your written commitment as your contract with yourself. You are probably very good at honouring your commitments to others. Take the next 26 days and honour your commitment to you.

Tune in tomorrow to find out why timing is everything.

How’s your challenge going?

Once every four years the Olympic games capture our attention. Whether you are a sports fan or not, there’s something about dramatic competition, Cinderella stories and the pursuit of excellence that makes us stop and tune in to events of all kinds.Maybe it’s our appreciation of the dedication and focus required by these athletes to compete on the world stage. Maybe it’s those moments of watching the seemingly impossible unfold. Maybe it’s the knowledge that these individuals are fully engaged in being the best they can be.

citius altius fortius

The Olympic motto citius altius fortius – higher faster stronger – sets the standard for participating in the games and serves as a benchmark for performance.

What if you were in training for a gold medal life?

How would your life change if you played full out?

Imagine what would be possible if chose your best performance every day.

Here’s some ways you can apply these Olympic standards to your life:

Set the bar higher

Mediocrity is a cultural comfort zone. Most people are content in doing just enough to get by. They lose sight of what is really important and make choices based on the path of least resistance. Life gets really busy and “just ok” seems good enough.

It’s easy to not require too much of yourself. In the end you get the life you settle for. If you’re not leading your best life, it’s time to raise the bar for yourself. If you’ve been content with average, reach for above average. If life is good, go for great.

Where do you need to require more of yourself?

In what ways do you let important things slide?

Get to your goals faster

Do you find yourself saying, “I’ll get to that someday”?   Procrastination will never get you to the finish line. We’ve all got our favorite excuses about why we can’t tackle a project, fulfill a dream or take things to the next level.

The clock is going to run out on your life. You just don’t happen to know when that might be.  Making the most of your time is golden. Once today is done you can’t get it back so make choices that leave you feeling satisfied at the end of it.

What have you been putting off for way too long?

How do you let excuses get in the way of your success?

Be stronger in facing your fears

Fear is probably the number one reason why people don’t go after the things they want: fear of failure – or success, fear of what other people will think, fear of stepping out of their comfort zones.

At the end of your life you’ll likely regret the things that you choose not to do out of fear rather than most of the things you did end up doing. Once you decide, fear is not such a formidable opponent.

Where do you let fear become an obstacle to your success?

If fear wasn’t a factor, what would you take on?

The Olympics only happen once every four years. In life, the games are always on. You get to decide how you want to participate. Your gold medal life is waiting for you. Simply summon up your inner athlete and go get it.

What Olympic principles do you play by?

 No it’s not an exotic plant or some new addition to your yogurt.

It’s a term that was first used by psychologist Eric Fromm to describe human beings’ attraction to all that is alive and vital and later expanded upon by American biologist Edward Wilson as a subconscious attraction towards nature and other living things.

So what does that mean for you?

People are naturally attracted to the outdoors and nature.  We’re hard wired to connect with other living things. That’s cool except when you consider that for many people the closest they get to nature is a breathtaking photo on their screen saver. Most people work indoors, often without a window and then they return home after a long day to spend time in front of the TV.

How much time do you spend outdoors?

We’re been having the most wonderful weather in Edmonton and coupled with a four day holiday weekend I’ve been puttering long hours in my garden. It is truly calming and re-energizing.

When I think about my most restorative places and experiences, they always involve nature and the outdoors…the sounds of the birds in the morning, walking the Tuscan countryside, sitting on the deck at the beach house watching the world float by or tending to the plants in the garden.

Being in tune with nature helps to be more in tune with yourself.

So here’s my challenge.

Go outside right now. Stop what you are doing and take five minutes to nurture your biophilia. Connect with other living things. Think about how you can bring more of nature back into your life.

Then when you come back inside post a comment about your outdoor adventure and we can all share in the natural delight.