Loving the Chaos

Do you feel like you are held hostage by the holiday season?  Are you balanced precariously on the edge of sanity like the Grinch on the top of Mount Crumpit? 

Well you are not alone. 

Most people go over the top during the holidays – they over-commit, over-consume and overwhelm themselves with expectations.  Instead of feelings of peace and goodwill, people often find themselves tired, cranky and powered by guilt.  Their faces start to scrunch up into that Grinch-like scowl and fun is the last thing on their minds.  Taking care of the never-ending to-do list becomes the number one priority.  Then before they know it, the holidays have come and gone and January leaves them asking, “Is that all there is?”                               

Does that sound like you?

There is a way to de-Grinch yourself and steal back Christmas.  You can take back control by trying some new and unusual ways to hijack the holidays. 

Let go of your traditional time and energy drainer

I’ll bet that there is some holiday tradition that you have been holding on to just because it is a tradition.  No one really likes it anymore, everyone groans or mutters under their breath at the thought but you suck it up and do it anyway.  Let it go. 

Now some of you are gasping at the thought – how could you possibly do that?  I’m all for traditions – but only when they are rooted in meaning and everyone enjoys them.  If a tradition doesn’t have much meaning anymore and everyone grumbles, let it go this year.  One of two things will happen – everyone will miss it so much that next year they will revive the tradition with a renewed sense of enthusiasm – or everyone will breathe a sigh of relief and space opens up for creating some new tradition.

Give everyone on your list a very expensive gift

Well not any expensive gift.  Give them permission to say no.  Make a nice little card that can be traded at any time for a respectful, “No thanks.”  It’s a relatively simple gift to give but it gets a little costly when the person cashes in their card.  Quite likely they might say no to something you really want them to say yes to.  That’s where the true value of this gift comes – your gracious acceptance of a boundary being set.  No arguments, no negotiating, no whining.  Just a simple, “Thanks for using your gift.  I hope you enjoy it.”

Divide your time and money in half

Figure out your budget for Christmas – both how much money you spend and how much time you spend running around.  Now divide them both in half.  Spend half of your money and time on the usual things.  There never seems to be enough time and money at this point in the year so spend half of it and don’t worry about it.

Take the other half of your time and money and give it to charity.  Write a cheque to a cause you love.  Then find out how giving half of your holiday time to someone who needs it is infinitely more rewarding.  Charities have lots of tasks that need to be done – some that can be taken care of from your home – so there’s sure to be something that’s a good fit for you.

Recycle the one thing that no one will notice

I know many women who spend a lot of time – and money – in search of the perfect holiday dress.  Wear the one you wore last year.  Men do it all the time – they don’t run around looking for the next great black suit.  Chances are last year’s holiday outfit was some version of the little black dress anyway.  Unless you wore something revealing all of your earthly charms, I guarantee no one will remember what you had on.  Save yourself the time, money and aggravation.

Give yourself the gift of a life time

We all love getting presents so go ahead and give yourself one that will last a lifetime.  Chances are there is someone in your life – past or present – that you need to forgive.  Carrying around the burden of hurt and disappointment takes a huge toll.  Give yourself permission to forgive.  You don’t necessarily have to say anything.  This is a gift that lives in your heart.  And it’s one with a double whammy.  Whether you say anything out loud or not, you get the benefit and so does the other person.  There’s nothing more priceless than letting go.

You know the Grinch figured out that the holidays are about intangible things.  Sure, ribbons and papers and bows are nice, but after a while stuff is just stuff.   Stealing back Christmas is about choosing to do something different.  All the Who’s in your ville might be delighted.

I’ve said it many times – my clients are sources of great wisdom. Today one of them shared how being tired and out of energy actually created the best holiday gift.

My client – let’s call her “Mary” – recently had the flu and is still feeling tired and out of energy. With Christmas fast approaching she was thinking that there was no way she was going to get all of the usual holiday shopping done. And then it dawned on her. This was actually an opportunity to make some changes. Instead of running around buying gifts Mary decided to:

• call her family and suggest that they draw names and only buy a gift for one person rather than everyone
• ask that each family member contribute $25 to a family charity donation

What a simple solution to Mary’s energy crisis!

Most importantly this decision allows Mary to more closely honor her personal values and align her choices with them. The focus for Christmas is now less on the number of presents and more on one special gift for one person. The family gets to make a difference in the lives of the people who benefit from the charity they choose. Mary has also been working on decluttering her physical space and this reduces the number of new items entering her house. Brilliant!

It’s easy to get into habits with holiday gift giving that don’t truly reflect what you believe is important. You end up running around doing 101 jobs that create stress and deplete the holiday spirit. Take Mary’s example and consider how you might approach shopping this year. What habits have you gotten into that might need to be re-invented or replaced?

The other great lesson here is being able to find the opportunity in whatever circumstances are presenting themselves. Mary could have let her illness and recouperation been a source of stress. Instead she turned it around into something that served her – and all of us who can learn from it. Now that’s a good gift.

Lately there seems to be a glimmer of hope in all the doom and gloom about the economy. While people might be feeling a little more optimistic, unemployment numbers are still on the rise.

Facing a potential job loss can make you feel like a victim. You spend time and energy worrying and your stress level rises.

There is another way.

Instead of playing the victim in these economic times, you can be proactive in your outlook and actions. Give these workplace ideas a try:

Let go of worry.  Some things are simply out of your control. It’s an unfortunate reality that good people doing good work might still lose their jobs. Instead of spending your time worrying, use that energy to control the things you can – your attitude and actions.

Give up the doom & gloom attitude. In every crisis there is at least one opportunity. We just tend to miss them because we are so focused on the negative. Use this time to practice gratitude for what you have, and keep your eyes peeled for the opportunities. Your attitude at work impacts on your perceived value to the company. Nobody wants to keep a negative nelly.

Become solution focused. Shift into a “how can we..” perspective. Companies are looking for out of the box thinking to help weather these challenging times. Offer potential solutions rather than complaints.

Be a team player. Use “we” rather than “I” thinking. This economic situtation is not just happening to you. Demonstrating a “we’re all in this together” philosophy helps to create optimism. Building relationships is key in your long term success in an organization.

Design a Plan B. Consider now what you would do if you were laid off. Planning before an emergency lets you think with a clearer head. Take a look at your finances and see where you might cut back. Brush off your resume. Keep your industry contacts fresh. Often simply having a plan B makes people feel more secure as it removes some of the uncertainty.

Get back to the basics. During uncertain times there is a great opportunity to take inventory of your life and make some changes. Do you spend your time and energy on the most important things? Are you doing work that you enjoy? Do you have a list of life goals and a roadmap of how to achieve them? Now’s a terrific time to do a little self assessment and re-align things that are off track.

The downturn in the economy is just the current situtation.

Circumstances are never what hold you back.

It’s the way you think about them that makes you unhappy or stuck.

Choose something more empowering than victim.

Some days work seems like a real chore and I come home feeling tired and cranky. How do I leave work at work?

Stress levels in the workplace can sometimes be pretty high, especially in an uncertain economy. When you bring that home, you might as well just sleep at the office.

To make the transition from work easier, try using the commute home as a decompression phase. Imagine as you enter your car (or bus or subway train) that you getting into a transformational chamber. Set an intention that by the time you arrive home, you will have reset your mood and attitude.

Choose music that suits your needs in the moment – to re-energize, to uplift, to let go.

Turn off the talk radio or news.

Focus on your breathing.

Circumstances at work are sometimes out of your control. Making the shift from work to home is a conscious choice to take control in your life where you can.

Post a comment and share your best leaving work at work tip.

And don’t forget to to ask your own “how to” life motivation or strategy question.

In spite of your best efforts, do you find yourself sometimes getting stuck in the gloom & doom?

Having a little cranky spell?

Indulging in a pity party with too much whine?

That’s natural.

All you need is a little shift in perspective.

Watch this little video and you are guaranteed to smile…or giggle..or outright laugh.

Bookmark this and use it when it’s time for a shift.

Apparently the spiritual crisis continues.

Yesterday a Walmart employee was trampled to death as shoppers broke down the door and stampeded to get holiday bargains. 

What does it mean when people are willing to kill and injure others in order to be the first to grab discounts on stuff?

Okay let’s acknowledge that economic times are tough and people are stressed. Yes AND there’s something bigger at work here.

It seems to me that people are impatient for all the wrong things…

the pizza delivery guy

traffic lights to change

elevators to arrive

the line to go faster

We get agitated when we have to wait for stuff that we want RIGHT NOW but we’re not impatient for things that are far more important.

We don’t tap our foot or look at our watch for….

fulfillment or health

dreams or relationships

love or adventure

peace or abundance.

For things like that we seem to have all the time in the world.

Most people will see that tragic news story and think “That wouldn’t be me.” Let’s hope not. It serves a a good reminder for us all to examine where we are impatient in our own lives.

Where do you cross the line and become irritated about something that’s not all that important?

As the inevitable chaos of the holiday season descends, when you might be feeling overwhelmed or overstretched or overcommitted, stop and ask yourself:

How important is this in the big picture of life?

Best guess is that most of the time you’ll answer, “Not so much.” Then give your head a little shake, take a deep breath and get back to what the holiday season is really about.

Post a comment and share…

What’s most important to you this holiday season?

Ask Laurel… 

September will soon be here with back to school and lots of sports, clubs and activities. How do I avoid over-committing myself and my family?

There are so many wonderful activities to choose, it’s easy to jam your schedule to overflowing.  You probably want to give your children a rich smorgasbord of experiences. But just like a food buffet, if you don’t pick and choose, you just might end up making yourself sick. Over-extended schedules, even made with the best intentions, often result in fast food in the car, rushed conversations and frazzled nerves.

What’s your tolerance level? 

Each family has its own tolerance level for commitments. Some families are able to take on lots of things and still feel energized. Other families need fewer commitments in order to function smoothly. Think back to last year.

Did you feel overwhelmed?

Did it seem like you were always rushing from one activity to the next without time to breathe?

If the answer is yes, then being  pickier about the things you commit to is probably a good idea.

Consciously create an experience 

Consider the experience you want to create for your family when making choices. Participating in one activity, having more fun and feeling less stress far outweighs multiple commitments. And remember to leave some white space in your schedule to allow for all of those unexpected things that will most definitely pop up.

What life coaching question would you like to ask Laurel?

Everybody seems to be in search of that elusive life balance.While everyone keeps looking, few of them seem to be finding it. That’s because one of biggest mistakes that people make is to create a faulty picture in their mind of a life in balance. They think life balance means quiet, calm and peaceful.

Not a chance.

Everybody can have a quiet, calm and peaceful life when things are relatively quiet, calm and peaceful. True life balance happens when you are able to weather the times of what I call natural chaos.

You know those times. Things are going along pretty well and BOOM – something happens that disrupts the flow of life.

A traffic jam is a perfect example of natural chaos.

They happen all the time and are pretty much out of your control. And many times you are actually experiencing the ghost of a traffic jam - there doesn’t seem to be any real reason why the cars are crawling along.

What do people typically do when natural chaos descends? They fight against it and that causes a huge sense of imbalance. They direct a lot of energy into the chaos rather than having some strategies for going with the new flow.

Natural chaos swirls around us all the time.

It’s supposed to – that’s the natural part. John Lennon said it best, “Life is what happens while you are making other plans.” It’s knowing how to fall in love with chaos that puts you in the driver’s seat to life balance.